BPDFamily.com

Hi BPD family,

I have been in these forums for a few months now. Since the end of August. Posted, read, contested, cried a lot, got angry even more, got desperate, exhausted at times, slowly learned and processed and assimilated, grew little by little, got stronger, all this and more and not in any particular order.

It has been a real journey in hell and back, the last year in my rs with my BPDx. I remember about this time last year I was suffering the worst I have suffered in my life. It was just before my first recycle with her on the 1st of Nov and I didn't know what was happening. Was it my fault, her fault, was I too weak, not good enough... .? HELL! After a few months my performance at work where she was also working took a nose dive. I eventually had to resign.

How better things look for me now... .? After I broke up with her in August a real journey through purgatory. I am resurging slowly back into life. I used to come here and post everyday. Almost like a substitution for her presence. Her presence which I missed like a drug at times. A drug which I had to quit out my life, cold turkey, broke up with her, my instict kicked in and I banished her, I performed a psychic amputation. It hurted but it was the best thing I have done in my life. I am proud of myself for that.

I now find myself two and a half months later of strict NC stronger than ever before. The world and most women particularly seem harmless to me compared to what I have been through with the most dangerous person I 've met so far in my life.

I started my own business and building my own life as my own boss. I am meeting up with friends and there are so many that I have not been hanging out with because I was lost in the FOG. Invitations to do things. Perhaps next year I will be cruising the south pacific with a couple of friends that own a yacht. I started dreaming about my own dreams. My own pleasures and wishes not being dependent on someone else's moods. Taking care of my own appetites. It's like I am hanging out with my best friend. Myself.

Tonight went out with a few old friends. Flirted with a few cute girls. Got a date next Friday. Taking it easy. Just fun and slowly and what I want from it. Just have fun. Back in the game for me, to give me enjoyment, not anyone else. It may sound egotistical but it was about time for me. About time... .

I just wanted to tell you guys, particularly the ones that know me and were here for me and with me through the rough times that it really gets better. Hang in there bros. Peace!

I'm glad you are feeling better freedom!

If there are times the pain resurfaces try not to be hard on yourself these are opportunities to work through inner mysteries so not something to be ashamed of.

Enjoy yourself!

Thank you for sharing this message of hope

Thanks for sharing your story bro, it is always motivational to listen to people manage to recover from all the pain and see the light in life again :)

its very good, i think most of the time people post here is when they have issues (which is very important too of course) but it makes me demotivated into thinking nobody can recover from a BPD rs.

So its very inspiring for us all when people like you post when you are actually healed too (which i hope a lot of old members are, that aren't posting anymore) - so a big + to you, i hope i read a lot of these posts into the future and maybe (Please god!) I can make a similar post one day

Fantastic. A feeling and lightness of heart that you totally deserve. Take it at your pace and savour. :-)

The thing is that most people recover and the fact that they are not in these forums to post is proof of that. There is probably research and stats from bpdfamily that tracks how average posts/day for active users and how that activity wanes off over time as they recover. Anyone from the moderators have thoughts/data on this?

At any rate, as I said it does get better. Not only we can recover but actually come out of it stronger. Having said that I still have deep wounds and insecurities that have arisen from the rs and that is a good opportunity to work on them going forward. Without the pwBPD I wouldn't have been aware of them.

But all things considered, I feel better and more real than I was before I entered the relationship. Somehow this ordeal made me get in touch more with my myself and my core needs that was somehow put on one side whilst following the conventions and mandates of the collective in auto-pilot mode. I 've had it with that.

Good luck guys! The toughest part is over.

Thank you, Freedom33. I experience what I now think was my darkest time last year around this time, too. Ive been through the most devastating time of my life. Things have been truly black, where I felt like I was dying, and couldn't see through the grayness that surrounded me.

At one point, to use a phrase I saw on another forum, I felt like I was exploding into cosmic disaster particles. I felt like a cipher. I cried hysterically, and felt no hope, and saw my future as filled with more of the same. Every day it seemed to get worse, not better, as my BPD continued recycling, briefly, and then threw me away just as quickly. I tried everything I knew to try to "fix" things, but the harder I tried, the worse it seemed to get.

I learned about this forum a few weeks ago, and have been soaking up information about how "crazy-making" BPD behavior is. Once the pieces of the puzzle started to fit together, I realized what I needed to do. I've been NC now for a week, although I know I've been getting slowly better, since we live far away from each other, and I haven't seen her for many months. This has helped. I now know that the work that needs to be done is totally on my end, and on myself, instead of on any phantom notion of a "relationship." I'm looking forward to this journey. In the meantime, many thanks to you and others who've written about the positives inherent in the journey forward. I trust and believe that the pain does eventually subside.

Forive my negativity :/

but sometimes i wonder when people disappear if it

isnt because they are in another recycle...

i was on here last feb trying nc... .disappeared until oct... .(now)

when the relationship inevitably crashed again.

I hope i see that light eventually.

but sometimes i wonder when people disappear if it

isnt because they are in another recycle...

i was on here last feb trying nc... .disappeared until oct... .(now)

when the relationship inevitably crashed again.


I'm a little confused about what you're saying here, Hurt. Has your pwBPD disappeared? Are you thinking they might be in another relationship?  Did this person come back, once you'd had NC, and then it crashed again this month?

I can tell you from my own experience, that my pwPBD did come back many times. Although I made it clear that I want nothing more to do with her, I expect that she may try to recycle a few months from now, when her new bf is unavailable to her. If she doesn't try to contact me (which will be difficult, since I've blocked her from my phone, email, and social media), I will consider myself fortunate. I know I'll have moments of weakness too. But I'm going to continue to come here to remind myself of how horrible a person she really is.

Rereading this, I understand now, Hurt, that you were referring to forum members who disappear. I'm sure some of them are recycling. They'll be back. I feel compassion for them, as I'm sure they're suffering in some way, shape, or form.

Many people do get past this stuff, reclaiming their lives... .

Found enough answers to move on... .Got bored of BPD... .

Are in another relationship that doesn't need a support group... .

It's like when I went through an accident and healing afterwards.

Physical therapy/assistance for quite some time, but eventually done.

Have thankfully been doing the rest of my healing on my own.

It's appreciated when members who are better share their wisdom.

Understandable that they accept the past is the past, as well.

We're all getting there. Here's wishing us all the best.

I don't think a lot of the members that aren't posting any more is recycling, that would be nuts, its so many members here with so many posts that no way all of those have gone back after reading all the horror stories about BPD-rs.


I choose to believe they have recovered.

And after they have healed, they are thankful for everything this forum has done for them, and they have helped a lot of others in this forum, and now its time for many of them to move on, so they did - And now they are happy again :)

Proof: Its signing members every day on this forum, and it has been active for years, so if nobody healed this forum would be soo crowded with thousands of people posting every day.

So you can heal guys, and we will, just when you do, post a topic about it to give the "newbies" motivation that its possible :D

Freedom  |iiii   and many many more!

You are a beacon of support here.  Today we celebrate you 

Keep growing!

CVM

Loving this story and your positivity.  Thanks for sharing this.