BPDFamily.com

During an episode of crisis (and a subsequent stay at a mental health center) my partner was diagnosed as BPD. Her current psychiatric nurse practitioner and therapist believe that she may be co-currently bipolar. As a partner I feel lost, isolated, estranged from my own immediate sources of support, exhausted, and scared.

I do not feel like I fully understand how BPD can be articulated across various individuals/personality types; my partner is particularly introverted and does not tend toward rage or outward manipulation. My emotional skill set, which I previously assumed to be high, now feels lacking. Validating her feelings and needs, while establishing appropriate and safe boundaries for myself has been extremely difficult. Additionally, her mental health focus resides almost entirely in the Bipolar II diagnosis and she easily dismisses the legitimacy of the BPD diagnosis. Lastly, she began working in the mental health field shortly after her release from the Retreat and has an almost intimidating lexicon when it comes to communication about mental health and stigma, et al. 

While some of my friends and family are attempting to provide support, most insist that I leave the relationship and better myself. I know this is with the best intentions, but it makes me feel even more isolated within my situation. I do not feel ready to leave, nor do I know if that is the ultimate decision I want to make. I do know, however, that I need additional support and outside knowledge-- hence, I took the leap and have reached out to digital BPD familial support resources. 

Welcome to the forum, Little Sparrow.

That was a very well-written intro. Love your style, and your honesty too.

Don't worry, nobody's emotional skillset handles BPD easily. But the Lessons thread (sticky at top) has many valuable strategies to upgrade with.

Good luck!

A big welcome to you!

Well, my SO was also diagnosed bipolar.  After a year and mood-stabilizing medications having little effect, they re-diagnosed her BPD.  She's been diagnosed BPD her whole life.  Yet, she never quite accepts that diagnosis.  I can understand why - years with that label and she feels no better.  No treatment has really helped her.  BPD has a bad stigma, she'd rather have something else to blame but her personality.  So Bipolar - she could blame her biology.  Now it is PTSD - blame those that cause her trauma. 

As for you emotional skill set - NONE of us were born or raised with a skill set to deal with BPD.  Psychologists go through years of training, and sill have a hard time dealing with BPD patients.  Validation and setting boundaries will always be a struggle, because you will need to pay extra attention to her clues and tailor your responses based upon her signals.  What works one day may be a disaster the next. 

I'm glad you found us here - you are definitely with like-minded people who understand exactly where you are at.

These two diagnoses are easily confused, but living with one and being close to someone with the other makes you realise how HUGE of a difference there is between the two.

I have Bipolar Disorder, my partner was also diagnosed as Bipolar, but he is so painfully BPD it's unreal. His experience of mental illness is similar to mine in some ways and then there's the total dysregulation and disruption of the personality that just isn't present for me. Oh and of course the biggest thing of all - his every day turmoil, in comparison to my annual episodes of craziness :P

Either way, there is a lot of support here and hopefully, you will find the answers you need! Every day is a learning curve with them