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Title: My girlfriend and i are constantaly fighting and she thinks its me starting it Post by: LasVegasPunk89 on November 14, 2014, 12:41:27 AM My girlfriend is in recovery at the meadows and i call the meadows nursing and leave a message 4 to 3 times a day because my girlfriend asked me to and the nursing office is taking my messages and not giving her my messages and it's creating me and my girlfriend to fight and mqking us have problems all the time now and making me look like im uncaring about are relationship and her recovery and i am working on myself as well and looking for work on top of it and working side jobs with my step dad and not really making to much money but i also live with my step dad and try to remind her that and she cannot understand it
Title: Re: My girlfriend and i are constantaly fighting and she thinks its me starting it Post by: Mono No Aware on November 14, 2014, 10:54:02 AM My girlfriend is in recovery at the meadows and i call the meadows nursing and leave a message 4 to 3 times a day because my girlfriend asked me to and the nursing office is taking my messages and not giving her my messages and it's creating me and my girlfriend to fight and mqking us have problems all the time now and making me look like im uncaring about are relationship and her recovery and i am working on myself as well and looking for work on top of it and working side jobs with my step dad and not really making to much money but i also live with my step dad and try to remind her that and she cannot understand it Hello LasVegasPunk89 and welcome to the forum. Punk is not dead! Step 1: before it can better you have to stop making it worse. All us here on this board are here because we have been through all kinds of incredibly unpleasant experiences with someone who suffers from BPD. We've all suffered being enmeshed into the complex emotional and psychological tangle that BPD creates and twists up. It's very important to separate yourself from the tangle, step back, and deal with BPD armed with the knowledge you'll find in the Lessons sticky thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.0 In this case, your GF's request of you to send her multiple messages per day despite that not being allowed at her treatment facility is a trifecta of classic BPD-style behaviors: It combines unreasonable "neediness" (high-maintenance emotional needs) with manipulation (you must do this for me) and caps it off with a catch-22 trap (it's impossible). Been there, done that. HOWEVER - and this is really sofa-king key to understanding BPD - she did not do this out of planned-out malicious intent. She truly means no harm by putting you in a stressful situation. The Person With BPD (pwBPD) suffers from a disorder whose main hallmark is insufficient emotional control and subsequent behavior that is fully run by out-of-control deep-seated fears of abandonment. They move in patterns - read some threads here and I'll bet you'll say, "hey my gf does that too!" a couple times. So chill Winston and read the Lessons. Take some time to get your emotional state calm and build your inner strength - you are going to need it. - Mono |