BPDFamily.com

She exhibits signs of BPD and I definitely fit the description of the Unsung Hero-Knight in Shining Armor-people pleaser-Fixer or whatever you want to call it.  Against my better judgment and ignoring the Red Flags, I pursued thinking I would figure the red flags out over time. Unfortunately, one month into the relationship she got pregnant and suddenly all the flags were magnified.  I did my best but I naturally made a lot of mistakes myself.  I am capable of self reflection and acknowledging my faults and am working on it.  I am also four years sober and dealing with emotions/feelings full time is still new to me.  I avoided getting into a relationship unless I was sure that I could handle it. I thought that's what I had when I met my girlfriend!  We moved extremely fast and I was sure within a month that this was it. I had met the one! She felt the same. Then the period did not arrive... .I stepped up to the plate and did everything a good man should do. Anyway, I started realising she had no sympathy or appreciation for my sacrifices, generosity, compassion etc... .She already has a 2 year old boy and was dealing with a high conflict ex, she was pregnant, her Father had made a suicide attempt when she was 10 and her Parents had split.  I rationalized and gave benifit of doubt.  I though I could show her true love and consistency.  The closer I got though... .The more confusing her behavior became. I knew it.  She only wanted the illusion of love, to be viewed a certain way and being so intimate... .she could not hide her true self. That's when the crazy making behavior really took off. While she seems high functioning and to be an amazing person I can see how much pain and difficulty she has.  She cannot and I surmise that if I just continued to prop up the relationship and ignored my own needs by pretending there was no issue that we could have carried on living her delusion. But there is a child involved and now I am stuck.  This is turning into a nightmare!

just quickly - don't be so sure it's yours.  if she is 8 wks pregnant then it's all pretty recent.  they add two weeks, so she would have conceived about 6 weeks ago (from what I remember... .I think).

Her behavior is so disorienting and confusing.  Sometimes she seems so VOID of emotion. Other times vibrant, lucid and amazing (i.e. the Girl I knew in the honeymoon phase).  I have wondered if she has been pregnant the whole time we have known eachother and it makes me sick to think about it.  However, if anything I think she may have faked her September period and when October did not come she let me know the news.  Therefore she is farther along than what she says.  She has absolutely zero regard for the implications this will have on my life while I offered everything to accommodate her life and career. Evertime I need to talk about something important she is vague, dismissive or changes the subject. All the stress of an unplanned pregnancy with a woman I barely knew (who said she loved me and agreed to raise the child as a family with me if we kept it), becoming a first time father, finances, a potential 1000 mile a week commute to my job, unanswered questions, insecurity about the relationship, her existing two year old and the High Conflict Ex who is jobless pot grower etc... .Finally broke me down.  We ended up having our first fight because I was melting down!  Instead of seeing all the stress I was under and being considerate she made me out to be a monster who was attacking her, that her feelings and emotional well being was not safe around me. This fight is when I really got scared of her.  Everything was turned on me, she dinied her lies, denied conversations ever took place, blocked, deflected, twisted and by the time it was over I had know idea what had just happened.  None of my concerns had been addressed and the only out come was that I had a communication problem and that she didnt know if she could live with that person she saw the rest of her life.  Now she had touched on my biggest fear and was holding ransom... .comply or you will not be in the house with your child.  I dont even know where to begin. I had to start keeping notes as her behavior, actions, inaction's and words seemed so paradoxical. I feel like my brain is like a basketball bouncing in slow motion video! Like it's warping and retracting back to shape.  She twists and turns things and so frigging sensitive that the slightest concern I have with her puts her into defense mode.  "I'm being attacked" or "So this is all my fault" like a broken record whenever I present an indisputable fact.


SERENITY NOW!

there's another guy who's been posting on the divorce or coparenting board about a very similar situation - short relationship with mentally ill woman and suddenly she's pregnant and he's trapped and has no idea what to do next... .he posted about 2 weeks ago, may be helpful to look at the advice he got.  hang in there.