BPDFamily.com

I have been dating my boyfriend with BPD for a little over a year now and it was amazing in the beginning, but just continued to get rockier and rockier.  Long story short, he has broken up with me so many times because he says that he is in a triggered state and cannot heal around me.  To add to this, I have BPD as well, but I have been very dedicated to therapy, medication, and exercise.  All of those things have helped me tremendously and I never have an issue being a support for him.  So now for probably the 6th time, he has dumped me, four months after we get our first place together.  He has been in an awful state for about two of them, says that he cannot heal in the space that we have built.  He says that I make it too difficult for him and he has come to realize that he is just not good at relationships.  So he has not yet, but has decided, and I agree, that he should move out.  We have realized that whatever we are doing is not working, and something has to change.  After dumping me, he came to me, and said that he realized that we skipped the important phase of truly dating each other and moved right in with each other.  He said that we should live separately and focus on rebuilding our friendship.  In addition to this, he is the kind of guy, that when a relationship is actually over, he cuts absolutely all ties.  So at this point I am trying to do what is best and healthy for me.  I love him so very much, but I just do not know what to expect from this.  We of course had the talk about not dating other people.  Someone please help me if you have possibly been in a scenario such as this one.  I don't know what to do anymore.

How goes his plan to move out?

Does he have a place to go? Does he have a scheduled departure date? Have you given him a deadline?

Can you nail down the end of this current phase before you have to figure out what the next one looks like?

There are some members who did separate for a while, then get back together successfully after their partner went through a lot of therapy. Most of the ones I recall are doing so well that they haven't been active here in months or years. I think some of them posted in the "Success Stories" thread.

Hi jmh   Sorry to hear you're going through a pretty rough time right now, all the unknowing... .


Grey Kitty raises a good point.  Is his move-out being implemented, or is it in the talky-talk stage?


Sounds like your bf has given this a lot of thought and has come upon his own truth.  Would you agree with this?  Do you feel it was too much, too soon, moving in with each other?

Please stick around jmh, and continue to post your concerns.  Even if we've not experienced the exact same scenario as yours, a lot of our feelings and expectations are a pretty close match.  Enough, to offer quite a bit of support!

One little piece of advice... . 


It's okay to not know what to do!  Sometimes the best thing to do is just sit with that feeling of not knowing.  Ew, it's hard.  But with it brings peace and clarity.

*welcome*