BPDFamily.com

I intend to learn from others who have what I want.

I read Recovering From a Relationship Breakup

Summary:

Detach I have ended all communications. I am participating in Al-Anon, I am reaching out to others, I pray for the obsession to be removed. I visualize and vocalize releasing my attachments to BPD women and being released from their attachments to me.

grieve I allow myself to cry, to hurt, to feel whatever I need to feel to heal. I am willing to go through the stages of grief.

post mortem, It is important to me that as I examine the past that I focus on my part.

process abandonment anxiety, WOW I have been clean and sober for many years, but I am romanticizing being high on whatever in order to get out of this anxiety and pain.

betrayal trauma.  CORE ISSUE! Betrayal and abandonment are incapacitating to me. So why have I have so often chosen to attempt relationships with women who can not bond emotionally and stably?

divorce recovery After 28 years of marriage where I did not trust my wife completely I told her that I had reached a place of complete trust in her because she had always been there for me. Two weeks later she left me for a woman without even saying goodbye. After 4 days she came back and said she had made a huge mistake and ask for forgiveness. We did therapy. I told her that the abandonment and betrayal had almost killed me and that I could not immediate return to complete trust. She made amends every day of two years. On an anniversary morning I asked her if she wanted to do anything special and she replied "Yes, file for divorce."

(to be continued)

It sounds like your ready to dig in and do the work. My advice is to stay away from booze and drugs.

You had a long history with your ex with broken trust and abandonment issues. She was invalidating with her words to file for divorce out of the blue.

Are you seeing a T aside from AL-Anon? What's your support network like with family and friends?