BPDFamily.com

Just wondering what kind of minor incidents led to some of you bearing the full brunt of a BPD rage. Off the top of my head the most ridiculous ones were:

1) Using what she thought was too much soap when i was giving our infant daughter a bath

2) Not packing the groceries in the manner she approved

3) Holding an Ipad too low while facetiming her family one thanksgiving morning

These minor incidents didn't just lead to arguments, they led to full blown BPD rages ending in me being pushed, kicked, scratched and punched. Not pretty. Thank god those days are behind me.

There weren't many over the 14 years that I remember.  I think a combination of her being on SSRI's with me being quick to please her and her being a certain kind of BPD kept the rages pretty minimal.  She would throw tantrums, but most of her rage was directed into punishment... .neglect, lying, cheating, etc.  However, the earliest one I remember was during our first year of marriage when she tore into me because I didn't perform to her liking, sexually.  Compared me to past lovers, lectured me, and, as we laid there in bed next to each other, she kicked me in the shins repeatedly and freaked out.  Yeah, way to build some trust and intimacy into your marriage, huh?

I was eating too many Doritos while we were watching a movie, that created a very impressive explosion.

As long as we realize it was not the event, the event was only a trigger for many strong emotions buried just beneath the surface and we don't have to rock the boat much for everything to topple out; what we see is only the tip of the iceberg, to mix metaphors.

Then again I've done that more than once.  I'm pissed off about something and trying to deal with it, and someone unrelated to whatever it was will show up and say the wrong thing, and I'll blow up at them, completely inappropriate and followed by an apology, but I can relate to the mindset.  Borderlines are in that mode much of the time; can you imagine?  Having so much emotional stuff going on that you're ready to blow all the time?  It gives me compassion for my ex when I associate fully to what that must be like, and resolve to not ever get near enough to get any on me.

I know this isn't funny but WOW reading your post they are so ridiculous! Here is a few areas of my imperfection according to my ex BPD:

1. changing lanes when he thought it wasn't a correct time, accused of trying to "put him in harms way" screamed for approximately 20 minutes until I dumped him at his house

2. buying at $15.00 drink the last night of vacation (really was like two drinks and we shared) woke me at 4 am screaming at the top of his lungs in the hotel room - scared the crap out of me. I left.

3. handing his son a driver's permit manual - huge rage in front of both his kids how I am not their mother and quit trying to help them

4. Not taking my shoes off immediately when I got to his house and lining them up with the others

5. buying tile that was glass for the bathroom wall

Oh, I could go on and on about what he thought I did wrong and could put him over the top. At 6'2, well built screaming in my face with veins popping - very intimidating, how charming was that lol


4.

i went for groceries and brought him home a small bag of mini chocolate donuts (his favorite) as a surprise. oh, you would've thought i handed him poison.

1. My indecisiveness when it came to going out to eat.  If I did not decide right away, he would tell me, "I am not eating," then run into the bedroom and slam the door.

2. Going to the grocery store.  He would rage if I took too long or bought certain types of food.

3. Pausing the DVR while watching a movie or TV.  It made him very angry. Although he liked to make comments/talk throughout the entire show  

Mine used to always say I was putting her in harms way when I drove.  Taking a left hand turn a little tight was almost always world ending.

Other funs things of note:

1.  Chores/odds an ends around the house.  If I didn't do them "correctly" or if I wasn't do my set of chores when she was doing hers, game over.

2.  :)ifferences of opinion as to what "we" wanted to do - we had to be the same.  And if I didn't want to go out with her friends one night, so help me.  She actually used that as one of her reasons she used to tell my why she was leaving.  Heaven forbid we try to be our own person.  

3.  Suggesting restaurants/food that I really like that she didn't particularly care for/wasn't in the mood for.

4.  She took everything personally, it was always about her. Harmless little jokes or stories that I would retell from work or friends would instantly be taken as some sort of indictment against her.  If I ever hear "You always make jokes at my expense" again (especially when the joke/story has nothing to do with her whatsoever), I will run the opposite direction as fast as my legs can churn.

5.  Sort of feeds into number 2 but if we displayed different opinions in public or amongst friends, it would often send her into a depressed sort of state.  

There are many, many other things but these seemed to be the most common.

I stopped bye a restaurant we both liked on the way to her house and got her a nice chicken salad with her preferred drink and salad dressing.    After I came inside and gave it to her she threw it in the trash and starts yelling I don't love her because I didn't get the right chicken salad.     In another episode we are out late one night in a town we both live in she starts telling me if I loved her I'd get her a room for the night at this swank hotel, I refuse because there was no need for it and she starts ranting about how I don't love her.   She s driving and pulls in an all night donut shop and starts yelling about what she wants , so I go in and get it and come back to the car and like a dumbace try to calm her down.   She opens the bag and starts yelling 'You were supposed to get 13 of them'.   I go back into the store and get her 13 freaking donut holes and come back to the car and she starts yelling and throwing them at me saying I should have got it right the first time.    I verbally jab back and get out of the car and start walking at this point at nearly 2 am while teenagers watch out of the store window.    I walk blocks in the cold for a cab as she circles around in the car pleading for me to get back in until I finally do.     Off the merrygoround is nice.

Well, bi-monthly I would get the bad boyfriend "treat me special or lose me" speech. That went over well. I would just roll into a ball and suck my thumb while she went into her schtick on how bad I was.

Things that would set her off:

Planning on taking her out. I would be so gun shy because it wasnt what she wanted, that it would lead to:

Not planning on taking her out, letting her choose. Got yelled at for that.

Helping her cut birthday cake for the kids

Helping her serve food to her kids

Taking out the trash

Not taking out the trash

Putting in a trash bag

Not putting in a trash bag

Asking to help with her schedule with her kids taking them to their events, told constantly that "shes got it"

Not asking to help with her schedule with her kids taking them to their events (yelled at for not helping)

And on and on... .until I was a mindless beat down drone

The frustrating thing for me was that the triggers had no consistency so it was always a moving target as to what would cause an explosion of rage.  I finally realized that it was impossible to predict what was going to trigger her BPD, which was incredibly stressful.  I used to say that a BPD storm cloud could appear out of a clear blue sky!  Sort of like walking through a minefield in which the location of the mines keeps changing . . .

LuckyJim

Same with texting or calls. I would be anxious when her ring tone went off. Didnt know if it was good gf, or bad gf.

Satellite radio app lagged out.

Some of these are familiar. The BPDx always complained about my driving habits, saying that i drove too slow or braked too hard all the time. She would always get mad about me not picking a place to eat which i was reluctant to do because she always denied by first and second choice. I figured let's just cut to the chase and go wherever she wanted to go.

Favourite one of mine was when I was cooking for us both, and she had these new chopping boards - they were really cheap plastic and flimsy, but of course i scratched it when cutting something on it (like chopping boards do... .), and she went into full rage mode, said she wasn't hungry, proceeded to be in my face about it.

I told her i would buy her some new ones, and she went out, about an hour later i get a txt saying "So?", then i sent her pics of the new ones i brought, of course they weren't good enough, and when she came home i got the silent treatment and she wouldn't even look at me. Then proceeded for the next few days looking for the same exact chopping boards that she brought... .despite the new ones i brought her... .

I changed the cat litter before she was ready for it to be changed once. 

She was in the middle of going down on me when she noticed.  She punished me by not finishing.  Not joking.  She got mad and sullen and pouted. 

Unreal.

Asking for a cuddle in bed in the morning!

Attempting to kiss her on the cheek when I walked in the room. Apparently I looked possessed!

Being woken up by him turning on the dryer at 06.30 am (which would wake my kids up as well), going downstairs to ask if it was necessary to turn that on right now or if it could wait another hour. Full blown anger in my face, F-word multiple times, name-calling.

Train arrived a bit early so I walked out of the station, trying to meet him there. Found him. He was mad because he had wanted to meet me on the platform so he could carry my luggage and I had deprived him of doing something nice for me.

Going out for dinner with another couple. He was busy reading work related emails. Everyone had already made their choice of the menu. I asked him if he could please order as well and then resume reading his emails, so no one had to wait. I was 'destroying' him, he ran off.

... .and many many more... .

Reading all this ___ and I just have to wonder. What the heck is wrong with us? I NEVER would have tolerated any of this ___ when I was 25. What the heck happened to me over the years? Jeez, what the hell... .Im just as warped putting up with it and other things... .

mine only outwardly raged towards one thing: anyone disagreeing with her, or showing her evidence of something she believes or says being incorrect

if you called her out or even just suggested an alternative explanation for something, she simply couldn't handle it... .it was a full-blown temper tantrum that a 3 yr old would have... .completely out. of. control. reaction

otherwise, she raged inward... .her eating disorder, drinking, compulsive spending, etc were all manifestations of rage

LOL! This is very true.

I was having a casual converation with the BPDx a few weeks ago and the subject of my new truck came up. I mentioned to her how since it's AWD i'll be able to get through the snow this winter much better than my prior car which was RWD. She immediately went on a rant about how there's no difference between the AWD and RWD to the point that she was getting angry. The thing is that she also recently purchased a truck and i said "i'll take a wild guess and say that the truck you just got is RWD". Of course that was the case.

 

lol

Wow its crazy to hear about the smallest things that could piss off a pwBPD.

My exBPDbf would get up set over:

1. If I didn't pick up when he called. Even if I called him seconds back he immediately accused me of cheating or lying.

2. One time I didn't lock the door after I closed it. Although he was closer to the door he made me get out the car to lock the door. Said it was the principle of the matter.

3. If I split a crumb on myself or floor he would scream on me.

4. What really pissed him off is if I didn't answer a question with the who/what/when/where/why. If I simply gave him the answer I was hiding details and he would insult me by saying my communication is bad and he know I'm smarter that what I pretend to be.

5. If I was quiet around him. He would ask "what I was thinking", if I said nothing then he would flip out and accuse me of not telling the truth or being secretive.

6. If I took long in the bathroom at a restaurant he would be waiting outside the door and accuse me of calling my ex.

He is psycho! Makes me mad that I would continuously justify my actions.

Amen to that brother! There's no way I'd tolerate this ___ now or in the future.

I seriously laughed out loud when I read this!

We were the frog in the kettle where the heat kept getting turned up slowly so we didn't notice, then suddenly we're frog legs.  :)

I think I've learned some important lessons here--don't touch their stuff--unless they want you to touch their stuff. Don't talk to their kids--unless they want you to talk to their kids... .And if they insist you take your shoes off immediately and line them up with the others, run like helllllll! lol

1. She said she wanted to watch something "EASY" on netflix. So I ended up playing Cosmos. all of a sudden she went full on bruce banner saying thats not easy... .

2. I didn't sit next to her while she was in the shower... .(sit on the toilet waiting for her to shower)

3. Whenever I ate cereal.

4. Browsing the internet while she was sleeping, yelling at me for not watching the movie we were watching... .

5. Anytime Id mention waterparks.

6. I paid for my friends hotel room, knowing full well they'd pay me back. which they did later that day. She caused a big scene infront of all our friends during lunch... .

theres so many more I cant believe we had to deal with.

WOW, thank you all for the laughs, these are so ridiculous you cannot help but laugh!  But also we can see why the hell we're dealing with PTSD symptoms!  Insane!  I agree Deeno, What the heck?

Mine raged or gave me the ST for the following:

I put chick peas in the chili

Pulling over too close to the edge for an oncoming vehicle on a forest service road

Telling him his daughter says 'happy birthday' on fb

Getting a cramp in the middle of sex and having to change positions

Didn't come help him with a problem on the computer IMMEDIATELY!

My daughter going out for a smoke when she was staying with us at Christmas

Asking for him to pull over so I could pee on a 12 hr drive

Having music on my ipod he didn't like

So many more but I better stop, I'm getting agitated!

Completely forgot about these.  Number 4 was a constant struggle.  She was always ready for bed.  But if I wasn't and tried to read/surf the web in bed, then we had a problem.  And we had an even bigger problem if I wasn't ready to come to bed yet and wanted to stay out in the living room.  This was one of the many no win situations it seems like we are all far too familiar with.

Turning over in bed

Accidently bumping into her in bed. Even though her bed was way too small, she refused to get a bigger one. Even though I said I'd pay for half and she had about 30 grand in the bank!

I know it's not really funny, but reading my own examples and every one else's has made me laugh. Just because of how ridiculous it is!

Disturbing was her constant you never spend the night with me thing. I did spend the night, when her 5 kids werent all over the house. As a parent, the last thing I would want is some dude waking up in her house and being there. Always found it disturbing she would even contemplate that as a parent. I respected her kids to much to pull that stunt. She never let me forget it either.

being in a joking mood ... .because my mind reading skills were off that day ... .did not know it was grumpy time

Not hanging Christmas tree ornaments correctly 

lol grumpy time.

They really are toddlers!

Yeah, mine was like that. But when she quit taking the Zoloft I thought that I was living in nuttytown. It seems like antidepressants keep some of these people "somewhat" stable. However, when off the meds it turns gruesome. She's undiagnosed, but I know that someone having just depression doesn't cause the stuff that I saw happen. It may not be BPD, but she's a couple short of a 12 pack upstairs in some kind of way!  

We went for a walk in the country side one day and I had picked route to follow from a book, about 2 miles into the walk we had to cross a main road, this caused a full blown tantrum and lots of tears... .she told me I was a F*****g idiot and must F*****g retarded if I think a road is peace and quiet and how dare I ruin our day out ... .then walked off crying and shouting... .

Getting home from work and talking to the cat before saying hello to her would set her off, even if the cat was by the door and she was sat in the house somewhere... .LOL !

1. He was so upset over a pack of cigarettes,  he told me he thought we weren't right for each other and shoved me twice on his way out.

2. If I used a new word/phrase sometimes he'd claim I had never talked like that before. He would get all paranoid. Hard to explain why, but the best I could gather was he thought I was hanging with someone new and had picked up the word or phrase from them.

3. If I ever mentioned how much he was drinking.

4. When I did not read his mind and fulfill his every need.

5. He once called me at work to complain my 17 year old son did not say good morning. He said "you just don't have my back" when I told him that's normal morning teenager behavior. He hated it when I asked him if he said good morning to my son. The truth was neither of them said good morning.

5. If I talked to his step mom without his permission. 

Tried to reschedule a getaway with her... .ended up not going. She was pissed. Never let me forget that either

complained I didnt buy her anything as I looked at her coach purse, i guess it must have grown there.

you never spend time with me as i to rush over there at 8,9,10 at night just to see her, maybe make love over the bathroom sink because her 5 kids running all over the place.

I dont know why i bothered. Holy hell. I fell for this ___. Damn

Mine doesn't necessarily rage but he has this pi$$y grumpy stomp off like a child thing that he does. Here are some things:

-One time, he walked out of the door when we were at my parents house and my dad blew the horn on his cab over truck. WOW, you would have thought somebody had attacked him the way he responded.

-There was an incident one time when we needed to do some work on the AC unit in the attic. He was up there yelling and screaming at everyone to be quiet so he could concentrate and talk to me if he needed to. Well, when he was coming out of the attic, he feel through the ceiling. I had to go back up in the attic and finish the job. While he was in the hall listening for me, he was listening to his radio rather loudly and telling the kids to be quiet. When I told HIM to turn off his radio and be quiet, he got mad. I still laugh at the ridiculousness of that evening.

-Any time I have tried to do his chores for him, he has gotten mad and pouty and yelled at me because "I was going to do that. You just didn't give me a chance." On one occasion, I changed the cat box. He had just finished telling me the day before that he would like it if I would do it on occasion. I did it and BAM, he got upset. One time, he didn't mow the yard for a month so I mowed it myself. Pi$$ed him off bad.

-My oldest daughter and I were laughing and talking and joking and he got up and stomped off. Our daughter looked at me and wanted to know what was up. I found out that he stomped off because he thought we were making fun of him.

-If I leave the radio up too loud when I turn off the car, he gets upset.

-One time, I left the AC in the car on full blast. A cold front came through over night so when he turned on the car he got a blast of cold air. He came home complaining about it.

Really, there are too many things to list because he can get defensive, pouty, grumpy, whatever over just about anything. Asking a simply question about something mundane can lead to an argument at times.

The timing of this post is great!  I just read a thread the other night about making a list of things that were not working or difficult in the relationship.  Reading this has been so helpful in naming and identifying those issues which I found untenable but forgot in my grief and denial.  Thank you!

So funny!  |iiii

Wow this ___ is quite funny!  lol

I just remember by xBPD got upset with me once because I could not sleep. When we met I told him I suffer from insomnia and its difficult for me to sleep in places other than my own bed. So when I slept over his place he would accuse me of thinking of my ex boyfriend and that's why I couldn't sleep. So crazy can't do anything but laugh out loud right now.

I just had to add one more to my post. I am laughing at these and the audacity we had to do all of these horrible thing... .

One time I tried to help him with the dishes (understand it is his kitchen and his rules). I cleaned my plate and was putting it in the dishwasher when he appeared out of nowhere in a complete meltdown rage... .!

I had the nerve to put pasta down the disposal. What an idiot I was to not know pasta was sure to cram up the disposal and clog the line through the entire plumbing system... .I am half Italian and had never heard of this before. I thought disposals did their job and chopped, I got an entire lecture on how plumbing works and pasta expands.

I put tomatoes in the stew.

I referred to the fact that I was glad for a good bed on vacation because I have fibromyalgia.

I had fibromyalgia.

ok but in all fairness tomatoes in stew is unforgivable no matter of mental condition 

Speaking of food, mine would get really agitated every time I would make a pot roast. He would go on and on about how horrible his mother's pot roast was and how much he hated pot roast. He would eat mine and tell me how good it was but not without raging about his mother's pot roast for most of the day. It sucks because pot roast is my favorite!

And don't get me started on all of the times that I have tried to introduce new foods! He'd gripe and moan and maybe take a tiny bite and then proclaim that he didn't like. I don't think he got a big enough bite to even taste it but he would insist that he didn't like it.

1.Literally hitting a "bump in ther road." It was 12/31. I went over a speed bump in the crowded shopping center and then someone stepped off the sidewalk and infront of me so unexpectedly I had to stop abruptly: raged from 4pm on and off until after midnight. The time in between she was smoldering  with hatred and self pity. RUINED New Years.

2. She had two glasses of wine with dinner; did not like what she had ordered and was served. Said she did not want to take it home. Waitress boxed it and I carried it out but tossed it into the first garbage can we came to. Exploded and continued on. When we got home I told her I was leaving "to get away from the abuse." She ran after me and out into the crowded sidewalk BAREFOOT. Very embarrassing.

Sadly, there have been hundreds of these over the years.

Comment: In my wife's case the anti-depressant Paxil worked like a charm. For the five years she used it I was married to a normal loving woman... .the woman I married originally. Theo

The first one I have no clue what set her off. We'd just started going out. I took her to Durango Colorado to site see. On the way back something triggered her. She said she was sick and to leave her alone. We got back to my place and she went in the bedroom and layed down. I went in in a bit to check on her and tell her I was going to cook and asked if she wanted some. She blew up. So I went in the kitchen to cook. She followed me in raging and cussing. So I very bluntly told her to flock off, nobody talks to me like that in my house. Turns out she wasn't all that I'll as she drove home two hundred miles.

One of the last times we were in Maui walking on the side of the road. She kept trying to walk on the outside, so I had to tell her no that's my job. I'm the man and it's my job to protect you. She blew up, saying I was a controlling SOB !

Man I could write a book about this! Here are a few ones:

- saying "good night, sleep well and I'll talk to you tomorrow" when he went to bed after he worked the night. He felt rejected and said it already was tomorrow so he thought I would talk to him the day after tomorrow   I tried to explain, but he was already raging, accusing me of cheating and not loving him enough... .Ehhh what?

- whenever I would plan to meet my friends... .Full on rage, accusations Im a lesbian and cheating on him.

- I drove past a billboard once saying the temptations would be in concert here. (We were long distance) We were on the phone at that moment and I just happened to see it and comment on it. Again rage... .I should go with my friends, I didnt love him, ofcourse I was cheating.

- I was in the shower when he texted me. I came in the living room 15 min later to a phone with almost 40 messages where the ___ I was... .Obviously I was cheating.

- I came over to his country and after diner he asked me when I was going back home... .I said monday... .He had received the bookingforms so thought he knew it was a week from monday. He threw the best tantrum ever, threatninh to kill himself, took a knife, I tried to take it from him and in the end I ended up flying threw the room, bruised all over... .

- My favorite: at the end of a text conversation I had sent him emoticons kisses and hugs and a flower. He replied "really... .You dont send a dude a flower". Then he send me "the middle finger by mistake" to which I replied: "you talk about a flower, yes the middle finger is soo much better!" With a smiley behind it. Didnt get a text back so I went to bed. The next morning I woke up to 150 texts how I had offended his manhood, by saying my fingers were so much better... .: What the heck? I explained and explained but he was convinced I was trying to offend him and tell him he sucks in bed. This blew up way out of proportion and he broke up with me. (Got back together a couple of weeks later,... .Dont ask me why!)

He suggested we'd have a reunion somewhere with a mutual female friend of ours. I pointed out how angry he would get if it was me suggesting the same thing with a male friend. He didn't talk to me for two days because I kept "screwing things up in our relationship".

He was out late with a mutual (male) friend of ours. I woke up in the morning to find my phone full of messages from my ex saying "are you talking to xxx?" Apparently this guy had been messaging with someone and my ex naturally concluded it must have been me. 

I wanted to visit a village where I used to work. He started screaming at me that I wanted to have an affair with my former boss, who by the way is absolutely repulsive.

Once I didn't pick up my phone because I was busy. I tried to call him back but he wouldn't pick up anymore because I had made him feel stupid.

There are so many more... .Absolutely crazy.

I hope you and my h will be very happy together! lol lol

Oh Elpis, this made me choke on my coffee this morning!  I can soo relate to this craziness (I put chick peas in the chili! How dare I!)

I forgot one.  We were planning a weekend away camping in April and it's still quite cold in April here and I'm chronically cold so I asked if maybe we should bring the duvet off the bed as an extra blanket *just in case*... .Well you would have thought I had shot his dog!  How dare I not trust that he had all aspects of our camping trip covered!  I woke up the next morning and said camping trip is off, ___ this!

Your expwBPD sounds like mine. lol Is his initials DDD? Wow my experiences are so similar to yours. I was accused of cheating all the time. If I did something nice he got ticked off cause it questioned his manhood. He would get upset with me at night over a text or call. Then send a Good morning baby! In the morning like nothing happened the previous night. He always compared his country to the US and said how bad the people here were. I could go on and on and on. .

Pingo, it was seeing your reply about the chickpeas in the chili that reminded me! lol They're lucky they didn't get WORSE things in their food... .

Breathing too loudly   

Hey whythisgirl!

No similarities in initials I am afraid! It keeps amazing me how many similarities some of our stories have! The constant accusations of cheating, not loving him, prefering my friends over him where exhausting! I always tried to talk sense into him, but it never worked... .In the end I would just let him rage, puy my phone on silent and try yo ignore it till he snapped out of it.

Never ever cheated on anyone in my life... .His accusations were projections, he cheated... .

Old proverb, never piss off the cook.

Bro I know these feels.

She wouldn't rage, but if I fell asleep with my head burried in her neck, she'd wake me up to tell me "don't breathe."

The cooking thing was something that I hadn't thought about in this regard.  I did the vast majority of the cooking (shocking, I know  ).  It was almost as if I was under some kind of pressure each time I cooked.  If it didn't turn out, she'd pout.  She show her disappointment.  She'd pick at it like a 5 year old.  She was also particular about all kinds of food.  :)eli meat from behind the counter was considered "too gamey."  But Lunchables (yes Lunchables) were a favorite of hers.  Chicken had to be absolutely dry in order for her to eat it.  And there were whole genres of food that were just off limits.  Seriously, the appetite and temperament of a 5 year old.

Surprised I never found food hidden under her plate.  

I had my GF over and I cooked dinner for her and my daughter before I flew out of town the next day. All seemed well, we ate, daughter talked with us before going to her room and her and I were going to have a nice evening together at home, and, out of nowhere, my GF blows up at me "is this all I get? Dinner with you and your daughter? Fu*k this, Im out" and left me standing there in disbelief. She tried to apologize, via text of course, but I ignored it, said nothing, and went on my business trip. I texted her when I landed, didnt mention a thing about the blow up, never did mention it, but I was not very communicative during my trip. I was out in the sticks anyway, so I had phone issues. Just part of the pattern of weirdness.

"Lunchables"? BAHAHAHAAA!

My uBPDh definitely had childlike tastes in food--hot dogs and beans, that sort of thing. Which is okay occasionally... .

"Food under her plate" That totally seems like something that could happen with my h--but he much preferred complaining on and on and on... .One time I made chicken breasts and he must have said he was tired of eating "big chunks of chicken" nine or ten times during the meal! I was having trouble not laughing.  :)

"Never piss off the cook"--TRUTH!

":)on't breathe." ?

So interesting. So self-centered.

If I ever commented on how I felt that day (aching, tired) i'd get the whole rage about how HE aches and HE is tired and HE has to go to work! Yes, i'm on disability, so I guess i'm a much lesser person who is not allowed to feel pain, chronic condition or not. Apparently even pain is a contest he must win.

With my ex/gf's fibromyalgia, I heard it all the time how she was so in pain and body on fire, Anxiety, emergency xanax runs, rub her legs, blah,blah,blah... .I was there in a flash for her. I pass out because of flu related dehydration, bounce my head off my desk and all I get is, are you ok? Via text no less. No Oh my god are you all right, do you need anything, what did the Dr. say, nothing. Guess who was expected to come over and she her that evening? Yep, I went. Feeling like sheot, but I went like a good little boy. What the heck... .

OH NO! I've had that flu related dehydration and it is a HORRIBLE feeling! (but not as bad as my fibromyalgia--just kidding! lol )

That was sweet of you to rub her legs and everything... .I would have appreciated just a "i'm sorry, babe!" when I was in a bad flare, but nope--

Oh my goodness!  This is what I experienced also!  A contest he must win!


Bwahahahaha! You're cracking me up today Elpis!  I needed this today!

You guys... .Sheesh lol

This is my uBPDsister:

- Texting too loudly, even though my phone was on silent

- Sitting "weirdly" on the couch

- Having my bedroom door open?

- Getting groceries  :|

- Cooking. Cooking anything set her off. She insisted that she would cook for the both of us and then... .did, but extremely rarely (like twice a month). I suck at cooking so I bought those boxed pasta things and added meat, veggies, etc to make it a meal. Nope, that was wrong. Somehow by me cooking, it implied that she couldn't/was terrible at it and it would be worse if she didn't like the particular box I made. I'm allergic to certain things, so I bought her a box of the stuff she liked and a box of the stuff I was able to eat. If I didn't cook the box of the stuff she liked (and I was physically unable to eat), then the world was ending.

- Driving too slowly (meaning at or below the speed limit/aka not speeding)

- Decorating. Seriously, especially if it was my own personal space. She just took offense to the fact that I was becoming comfortable in my room or something, who knows. She'd berate me about how she didn't like the decor... .in a room that wasn't hers.

WE MUST LAUGH! lol lol

Meadowslark, those are some really weird things that I can't even begin to see how they would bother someone... .altho my roommate had a fit because she said as I nested in the apartment when I moved in (she was here first) it made her feel less settled! And it was quite a fit she had... .My uBPDh would tell me, if I tried a new recipe or made something for dinner that sounded good to me, "Why can't you just make stuff YOU like when i'm not here?" Sure, i'll cook myself a full dinner for lunch, and then make a dinner for YOU when you get home! Sounds like a plan! It was always an insult if I didn't feel well enough to make a big dinner, or he'd want "choices" of what i'd make instead of accepting what I had planned. So many problems, so little time!

It's so true, isn't it? Someone else here on the board said that living with someone who has BPD is like traversing a minefield where the mines keep moving. I'm SO glad my sister is gone now. So much stress that I didn't need in my life!

It's always about them. BPD people are the most selfish individuals I've ever met.

Elpis, I don't know why you didn't produce a menu just for your uBPDh. Where's your consideration?  lol

I actually have too many triggers to even list here. I walk on eggshells on a daily basis. My wife gets mad about everything.

As one very minor example, just this morning my wife got all pissy about something that any normal person wouldn't. She took the day off from work today and when she woke up she told me she was going to McDonald's to get some iced coffee before I left. Our son was still in bed and I couldn't leave for work until she got back. Obviously, since he's 3 he can't stay home by himself, therefore I'd have to wait for her to get back before I could leave for work.

I was about ready to leave for work and I very nicely and calmly informed her that I needed to leave very soon and that if she wanted to go get herself some coffee she needed to hurry up and leave so she could get back ASAP. Of course, she went ballistic about me telling her that. Never mind the fact that I actually have a job that I need to get to and need to earn a living and pay for all the things she wants!

She has no respect for my time but expects me to have complete and total respect for hers. Then, as I was leaving for work she told me to get home early today because she'd be going crazy at that point from having to deal with our son all day. Soo, basically she kept me from getting to work on time and then wanted me to leave early... .because you know all employers just love when their employees do that. Of course my wife's desires take top priority though in her mind, regardless of how irresponsible they are.

1.  Giving my son (2.5 years old at the time) a bath rather than a shower.

2.  Not being able to have facetime (video chat) between her and our son due to a poor internet connection for one day when I took my son to my parents' lake house.

3.  Sleeping in the guest bed one morning so that my snoring wouldn't bother her, but before changing the sheets since our last guest left.

4.  Buying two containers of yogurt rather than just one.

Numbers 1-3 resulted in yelling and screaming--even threats of separation and threats to call the cops for number two.  Number 4 was just a really bad fight, but the situation was so ridiculous it warrants mentioning.

YES! Why the hell do we put up with this? I have a pretty strong and determined personality... .yet somehow I've allowed myself to be manipulated to the point that I find almost all my waking hours being consumed with this crazy behavior. It's ridiculous!

My wife has all these short-lived moments of being a really great person with a great personality. During those "eye of the hurricane" moments everything seems good in the world. Then all of a sudden the crazy comes back again and I remember that I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE!. It's so infuriating and sucks the life out of us!

Deeno - my xBPDbf was extremely selfish and apathetic if I were sick. Once time I caught a head cold and wanted to get some rest to recoup and he demanded I come to his place to see him. I told him I didn't want to get him sick and he said oh my immune system is strong you can come by. So I gave in and slept

ver and became more sick. He didn't even have any medicine nothing to take care of me. It would had been nice for him to even go to the store to pic me up some items but he rather i jump in my car and drive him to the store to get me medicine... smh

Anorher time I got an eye infection and he had the never to say you must have been around dirty people and that my ex gave it to me

Once he came down with the flu and he blamed me for giving it to him. This was a month after I had a head cold. I told the idiot I don't have the flu so you didn't get it from me.

My wife is "sick" all the time. In fact supposedly she's at home right now with a fever of 101. I sent her a text this morning asking how her day at home with our son is going and she instantly texted back about how terrible things were and that she's sick with a fever. When I left for work this morning everything seemed perfectly fine.

Now, when I get sick, I purposely try to not make it a big deal because the second she senses something's wrong, she'll bug me to no end about how I'm feeling and what my symptoms are. If I tell her exactly how I'm feeling, suddenly she'll have all the same symptoms too. I never make it a big deal when I'm sick and actually downplay it to her. She'll insist that I tell her all about my sickness though and then matches all the symptoms and will then start saying how our she and our son are also sick... .Then, after all that drama she'll tell everybody else how I'm so dramatic when I'm sick and how I make such a big deal about it! It's unreal. Now, the only time I'll let her be aware that I might be sick is if I'm throwing up in the toilet, otherwise I just keep my mouth shut and suck it up.

These are all one-offs, and they all definitely caused a rage.

1. On a cold night I opened the bedroom window too wide, by about half an inch. Apparently this was evidence of how little I had ever cared about him.

2. I made him wait for the bathroom for five minutes. This was also evidence of how little I had ever cared about him.

3. I opened the boot of the car and he hit his head on the door. He claimed it was because I hadn't opened it wide enough (I'm short). Within earshot of our elder son and his student friends, he shouted "Why are you always such a burden?"

4. He claimed I had deliberately given him the wrong phone number for an Indian take-away that he wanted to visit on his way home from work. (More likely, he was just too drunk to key the number in to his phone.) He stormed into the house and chased me upstairs threatening to kill me. When I retreated into our elder son's room and locked the door, he went back downstairs and threw the TV on the floor and broke it. Our son was 7 at the time, and he still remembers it.

5. On Christmas morning he was on the phone to his sister, and suggested that she should come to stay the following weekend. I interrupted to remind him that my parents were coming to stay that weekend. He ranted at me for two hours about how I always give my family preference over his, and insisted that he would divorce me if I interrupted him on the phone ever again. We had to throw away the Christmas dinner.

6. He always flies into at least one rage on holiday because he finds leaving home stressful. He usually cobbles together a justification, such as the stress of paying inflated prices for holiday cottages, or the stress of driving 300 miles, or the stress of spending a week with our feisty teenage daughter. But last summer, I had paid for the cottage, I had driven us all the way there, and our daughter was being very mellow. So on the first morning he ranted at me for an hour about how he hadn't been able to have breakfast because nobody had done the washing up, and this showed how little I cared about him.

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