|
Title: 19th day if no contact. Today was by far the hardest. Post by: Xidion on December 18, 2014, 09:34:21 PM Today is her birthday. I haven't been able to focus on anything. I've fought all urges to text her. I can't help but wonder if she is wondering why I'm not texting her or if she is wanting to hear from me. Meanwhile I know that she has been spending every free second of hers with my replacement. This is the hardest type of breakup I've ever endured. I keep wondering how she could so this to me. She told me she loved me as she was breaking up with me and has done several drive bys in the last week. I have a bad habit of looking at her Facebook and instagram. I'm trying to be strong, but my heart just does not want to let go. I still love her so much.
Title: Re: 19th day if no contact. Today was by far the hardest. Post by: Raybo48 on December 19, 2014, 10:35:04 AM I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. None of the stuff you are going through is easy and many of us on here have been left to wonder about the very things you are struggling with right now. I was a horrible offender of looking at my exBPDgf face book page and I can tell you from experience it will not help you detach. It keeps you connected to her and will prolong the healing process unnecessarily. It's a very difficult thing to let go of someone you love, and even more difficult when there is no closure. Unfortunately in these kinds of relationships there is never any closure because they move right on with their lives, which usually involves a replacement they are idealizing.
Keep asking questions on this forum and it will help you understand what is going on with you and what the disorder is all about. Title: Re: 19th day if no contact. Today was by far the hardest. Post by: whythisgirl on December 19, 2014, 01:54:56 PM Sorry you are going through this. Try to stay strong. I didn't. I gave in last week and the mental abuse has started again! Driving me crazy yet hurts really bad.I can only blame myself I was trying to find closure now I question myself why. Don't let her feel like she has won rely on support here.
Title: Re: 19th day if no contact. Today was by far the hardest. Post by: wayfarer on December 19, 2014, 02:14:46 PM Yes, stay strong.
I left her. I think it is about 2-months at the most with no contact for me. I'm getting better although it seems strange to basically erase someone from ones life. Christmas is hard for me. I sold the present I bought months ago on Kijiji yesterday. I met someone who is gentle. That is nice. That is fun. This is new to me. I used to think those descriptors were boring. But they are great. There is nothing wrong with being happy. I have toyed with the idea of meeting for coffee in the new year or sending her a Christmas email. I don't really think those things would do either of us any good. My relationship with my son has never been better. Work is great. Everything isn't either good or evil. I see my counselor when I need to talk. A few key family members know the basics of what happened. I was supposed to jet off to meet her parents on Monday. Look, I'm new here too. But if you made a decision of no contact, my lay-opinion is to stick to it no matter how hard. My Christmas wish: I hope she is getting help she talked about. I hope she has a wonderful Christmas. I hope she is happier and successful. We can't go back -- or even be friends for the foreseeable future. Too much damage was done. Today I went to the University bookstore, in a free box outside was the course syllabus for the class she just taught. It is brilliant. I took it. I helped her a bit with it, but it is not mine. She was never really mine and I was losing myself. Everything seemed to be affected or motivated in some way by BPD. I'm doing the best to keep on moving forward from this. Take care of yourself first! |iiii |