BPDFamily.com

Little humor break here. What was your BPD's favorite saying? Mine had:

"Perfection is the name of my game"  (even though I am overweight and at times lack basic personal hygiene)

"You yelled at me. I'm calling 911"

"I never talk about people behind their backs"

Probably the most absurd statement I've ever heard

Mines was:

"You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend."

Bruce Lee

Turns out: I was the cup, the OW was the bottle, his ex wife the teapot, and god knows how many other personalities he mirrored! He mastered being water pretty well!

Mines favourite saying was " I know im hard work"

Talk about an understatement!

"It's not that I think I'm better than anyone else and hate people. It's just that most of them lack common sense and I don't."

"Stupid people are at the low end of the food chain."

To me all of the time: "You are being so impertinent!" I always felt like she was treating me like she was my mother and I her spoiled brat and had to be punished and corrected. What the heck.

Her favorite saying was.


''I don't do people that way''

''I don't role that way''

''That's not what I am all about''


I hope I never hear anyone say these statements again for the rest of my life.

Mine loved to say over and over "your gonna miss me when I'm gone" . Well I've got news for her.

"I think I'm a 'catch' "

lol

"What do you want me to say?/What do you want to hear from me?/What are you expecting me to do?" when being in an argument with her or right after some ___ty behaviour from her.

I never lie .

I am Face value.

I was born with empathy and will die with it .

"I can't do anything right"

'I'm only human - we all make mistakes' - hmm being screamed at in a restaurant is hardly a mistake... .

'I would never do that' - in response to me asking who dropped her home one night, insinuating she was playing up. She was.

She did not say it often but this one was memorable even to my kids.

"You just married me because you wanted a trophy wife."

 "  I will never call you again i am Done" only to call back 15 more times.

I am abandoning you because I LOVE YOU...

I am doing this because I LOVE YOU

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Our first face to face date, which lasted over three hours, she mentioned several things which stood out afterward:

I hate being lied to

[perfectly OK for her to lie, she was a master at it, devoid of emotion]

I am not a cheater

[she claimed she only went for another guy while she was still living with her then exbf after their relationship was over.  Fast forward about two months, at her first instance of spending horizontal time with the other guy while she wanted to be with me.  she admitted having an affair with her other bf's co-worker years ago]

Men are so f***ing sensitive

[closing complaint after having to deal with fallout she created by stringing guys along]

It takes two to tango

[her statement of alleviation to all personal responsibility]

Definitely need humor |iiii

Mine would say:

"I so real and honest I don't any know how to tell a lie."

"Even a half truth is considered a lie."

"Who are you as a person?"

"Who/what/when/where/why?" Lol... that was his daily controlling questions.

His infamous words to me. "You are a liar, don't trust you and never will." ... okay really I was accused of lying everyday.

Ha! Mine would say that. Followed with i m a lovable person. Every woman falls in love with me.

I remember her 2 favourite sayings were... .

"It's coming from a place of love"  (It wasn't... .it was coming from a place of  wanting revenge upon mankind for her cousin raping her) 

"my mother will pay" 

... . 

Either way, she hadn't grown up, was in her 30's and was exceptionally lazy and unreliable.  I began making excuses for her excuses in the end... .  urgh, yuck, she was truly horrid and a mess... .and her mother was worse.

I'm a good Christian woman!

Lie to me once and it's over.

Omitting is lying.

I am not a cheater.

I only cheated that time because I was being abused.

Talking to other women is cheating.

( but her going out with male friends is not )

I hate people.

Men are all dogs.

I'm a great catch

Nobody will ever love you like I do.

Your a habitual liar.

Your not a good Christian.

You live for satan.

If you really loved me you would-  ______

If you don't want me There are hundreds that do.

Men want to F__k me.

He is just a coworker.

I'm not attracted to him.

Hundreds of guys would like to be in your shoes.

A real man would------

That's what a real man would do in a relationship.

When you're dating men Buy you things--

"Never stever!"

"I never said that!"

"I am the demon in your life."

"So you think i'm a worthless weightie?" (Something he called himself, while tipping the scales at near 300 and devouring a 2nd carton of ice cream).

Love me.

Be nice to me.

Be sweet to me.

Don't leave me.

I'm needy.

We are never on the same page about [fill in the blank].

I'm so glad we are the same [in regards to blank].

I'm not in love with you anymore.

If you love me more you would [fill in the blank].

You always belittle my feelings.  You don't take my feelings seriously.

I'm a genuine person, I don't do things if I don't want to.

ugh.  There are more.

Swear to God on your kids lives God strike Them dead you... .

Say The whole thing!

"So you're the only one that sees beauty in this beast?"

"My exes all called me Jekyll and Hyde."   

"I have a shelf life, I'm just no good after the honeymoon period."   

"I hate liars." 

"I hate men who abuse women. They're just cowards." 

"I'm pretty basic and easy to understand." 

"You can trust me"

"I am not needy!"

Her reason to not seek mental health care:

"But it's temporary"

When I came home wearing a new scarf.

(suspiciously) ":)id someone give you that?"

When I brought home a valentine gift for her.

(suspiciously) ":)id someone give you that?"

Why are you looking over there?  

Why did you move your arm?  

Why did you move your hand?  

Why did you say that last week?  

Who did you talk to today?

Did you call them or did they call you?

Who did you call first?  

Who did you text?  

Another one came to mind.

"I'm crass!"

"I say what's on my mind"

"I do what I want when I want to. No one can tell me what to do."

Boy was he right. If I told him one this he did the opposite. Like a rebellious child.

Yes, truly a red flag. I know you will run next time someone tells you that.  lol

Here are some old standards:

- I'm just friends with her

- I would never do anything to hurt you

- I didn't say that

- You didn't say that

- You don't want to hear what I think

- I don't know why I did it

- I'll never do it again

And my all time favorite - You're Crazy!  hahaha yeah right its me 

"I'm a mirror"

"You can't have it both ways"

"Nobody gets me"

"You don't know how to communicate"

"I know you didn't say anything, but I can read it on your face!"

"I'm the only one looking out for you."

Mind's was... ."Everything Happens for a Reason"

My ex said she was a bit Jekyll and Hyde on the first phone chat.  She said it is normal for the Gemini personality.  Should have clicked the phone off then.

"I PROMISE that I will never hurt you."

"Oh, no... .no... .there isn't anyone else."

"I never lie and never cheat"

"You know I love you don't you"

"You are lucky to be with me because I look so much younger than you"

"If you think you can do better"

"A leader takes the responsibility not the credit"

"I was counseling her about her relationship"

Ugg gross what can I say

Here's one:

"Relationships are complicated.  We all have insecurities... ."

"I would never hurt you" lol

"Insanity is the definition of doing the same thing and expecting a different result."   

"It was not my intent to hurt you.  I wasn't trying to be malicious."

"I hate most people."   

"Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'" = this one really pointed at the ASPD's propensity toward boredom and thrill seeking behavior as a result of that.  I would bungee jump as a thrill, he preferred drug abuse and criminal behavior.  Blechhh!

Actually, there are so many others and I'm happy to report that the memories of them are actually fading a few.  Thank god!

"Our differences being so pronounced that we are unable to go through life entwined as one."

I wonder, if she married herself, would she be happy?

hee... hee... .

Think about what you just said... .

That would be like a splitting atom!   

Mine constantly would say "This is getting complicated" when I would insist on presenting issues/emotions etc from my perspective in the (now acknowledged misguided) hope that he'd start to appreciate it from another's point of view.

Yep, must have been complicated, having to consider anyone other than your twisted self.

Oh yeah, and 'Come on! It's ME you're talking to', when he was challenged or doubted in any way. Apparently this was to comfort me and reinforce that he was such a GOOD guy, how could I ever have any issue with his inconsistent/irrational/inconsiderate and ultimately abusive behaviour.

I don't miss him one bit.

"I know how relationships are suppose to go" haha... .

"You never... ." "you always... ."

"You don't make me feel special anymore"

(Well I'm really needing you to trust me, I love you and want things to be great for us)

"I'm usually destructive in relationships but I know I won't ever feel that way about you"

"People always get fed up with me, roll their eyes at me and walk away from me"

"If you thought my nasty comments were to hurt you, you don't know me that well. I was nasty because I have an illness"

Just a few of the many things said that ride in on a red flag and waving red flags in both hands for good measure.

Ha my ex would use the same insanity idoism. When I tried to give him theactual ddefinition in the past he argued me down say I was wrong.

"You don't listen"

"If you don't like it, there's the door"

"Go be with someone else"

"Roger that" (he was often a real smart ass)

He would often pick apart my words and in the middle of an argument get his phone and look up the definition of a word I used, or a word he used, to prove that he was using it in the correct way. Everything was so black and white with him. And if you were black (wrong) he was the first to let you know. And he often couldn't let it go, even after an apology or acknowledgment.

"It was never my intention... ."

"You always make me feel better"

"I would never hurt you"

"You always make me smile"

"I love you.  I miss you"

"I'm done"  This was usually said every single day whenever someone challenged her lol

"I'm an outcast"  Hmmmm... .:)

Heh Heh Heh this is a goody

"I'm not desperate you know 'Roller'"

"I am always alone and never talk to anyone day after day" which would flip to "I talk to people all day every day, women too, and they think the same as I do about you and your family"

"I need company"

"Relationships get boring after a while, especially living in suburbia"

"I am a good man, the best you will ever meet, you wont ever meet a man as good as me I'm the best there is"

"If you don't... .I will find another woman who will"

"you don't make me feel special", (all whilst he continued to abuse, humiliate and insult me and repeatedly ruining any good moments we had together).

"I only became homeless after I met you", (when he met me he was homeless 2 years apparently and it was his brother and parents fault). As it turned out, he wasn't homeless at all, had been coming and going from his parents for 13 years prior to meeting me as a friend (and crashing on my sofa as a friend at first).

"That's why I left  you, because I thought you were leaving me for 'him." Note; I left BP not the other way around. And here he is making out that I was having an affair with a male that I was friends with and had employed as a casual worker for my business. It is interesting to note that last year whilst BP was dishing out 4 months of Silent Treatment after dumping me yet again, (after assaulting me, damaging my car, threatening my life and smashing my phone and other property) he then turned up out of the blue and began asking questions as to whether I had made any new friends.

I explained that I had indeed, that he was a male, and I had been paying him to complete extra painting labour for my business. I added that it was not a romance, never would be, and there had been no propositioning of any kind. He then said, "Is that the guy with the blonde hair?", (this confirmed my suspicions that BP had been stalking me whilst he was ignoring me).

"I really do love you Roller", (pfft yea right you do).

"I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to leave you ever, you will have to leave me if anyone is going to be leaving".

"Your a fat greedy *^%$$$$#$"

"you only want the money, you want my money", (which explains why he took all mine and never had a job).

"every woman left me and cheated on me, so what it doesn't worry me".

"I'm from a good family, I come from a good background, my Father is a Scientist practically, and my Mother is a Schoolteacher"

total Narcissist act.

"I'm an educated person, I have a degree, I'm not some idiot like you"

"I'm a desperate man, stealing is perfectly justified for me".

God, there is likely more, but I'll leave it there!

Her: "I never break up with people. I wait for them to do it.", my response: "Oh right, so you won't be responsible for it? So it's not your fault and you can blame the other and be angry at them?", her: "Yes, exactly." I mind you this was in the third week of our relationship. Why was I being so stupid and didn't see the red flag? Or I guess I just ignored it and believed with me it would be different. Oh my.

how about... .

forget it... .

I don't want to talk about it... .

don't bring that up tonight... .

lets just be peaceful tonight... .

ALWAYS after scary abusive rage episodes with lots of verbal abuse aimed at me!

^^^ Yeah this

"It was just one mistake" (Sorry Pythagoras, count again)

"Kinda, Maybe, I think, sorta, etc" NEVER could pin him down with definitive answers.

"You're crazy".

"That's not what I said" (and then show him the EMAIL where he typed EXACTLY what I said he said only for him to say: That's not what I said... .look me in the eye, w the email in my hand and say "I didn't say that"... .and then changed the subject)

Exh was more of a gaslighting, silent treatment abuser...

"I know I'm not perfect, I'm a work in progress." ~ that's putting it lightly

"You're insecure." ~ well, 3 years of lies, emotional affairs, and you moving in and out of the house will do that to someone

"I'm a good catch.  I will find someone who appreciates all that I do." ~ if you can find someone who appreciates "all that you do" good luck to you and them."  

After 5 years of living with my uBPDH through the idealization, devaluation and discard phase, with him moving out yet again (3rd time) in a rage last Feb, very LC (with any contact initiated by me) I emailed him to wish he and his kids a Merry Christmas. I got back "I know you are hurting. I would do anything to take the pain away from you. But I have to live the life my heart tells me to live".

Yea well clearly he would NOT do anything. Because that would mean accepting some (ANY) responsibility for the problems. It would mean sometimes saying "Im Sorry". It would mean not putting the blame for everything on me. Or making up scenarios in his mind to justify his rage!

That's how mine was.  Had no clue either.  I bought everything - hook, line, and sinker.  Even though I always had doubts as to her recollection of things.  I just learned how to navigate her by just dealing and taking it.  The alternative was usually far worse.  And often, if I caved to her gaslighting, that girl I was nuts about would turn up for a while.  Rinse/repeat.

i cheated but because you made me to.

you're crazy, you made me look crazy. i managed to get through it now (after the break up).

you are a liar, manipulator, possesive, jealous freak.  

lol

"You want me to make my life dependent on yours and your wishes. But you know, I've got a life of my own." It actually was the other way round but oh well... .PROJECTION.

I'll never cheat on you.

I know what your thinking, see I know you better than anyone.

Who is the leader here you or me? (screaming)

Your nothing but a drama queen.

Oh yes,

Your the crazy one.

I am done!

You and your friends! (he had none!)

You think you can find someone better, go do it!

Quit trying to mother my kids!

You think your so perfect?

"I hate cheaters and  liars"

" A bottle of wine is only four glasses"

"You have any smokes? I'm out."

Those were actually her last spoken words to me. Such a heartfelt and bittersweet goodbye, isn't it? 

This may sound trivial, but with every prior relationship I've been in, there was some sort of 'goodbye' interaction. With her, through all 4 break ups, she had all the emotion of someone taking the garbage out.

"I will continue to have my shut downs and I have just come to the realization that it is just part of my f&^ked up life, I can handle it but the people around me can not."

"I refuse to see professional people about this and that's just the way it's going to be.​   ​Therapists bring back some very dark memories to me and I so choose not to relive that.​"

"I will never hurt you"

he said while lying in his arms after our first intimate encounter.

"You are so selfish and only ever think about yourself."

"You don't get special treatment just because we dated."

... .meanwhile, I practically bent over backwards for her while we were together.

Never again.

My favourite of all time: 'I spent a long time examining myself as a teenager and chose this personality'... .

My god! What the hell-ass kind of crapola personalities were left in the box! You chose that!

"If you ever leave me - I will destroy you"

Then she did!

LMAO! |iiii

'I want a man that can handle me and tells me no is no.'

When saying no: 'You only think about yourself!'

When I had to cry thanks to a big argument: 'Be a man! You're such a baby!'

When she cried: 'You never confort me! I'm crying and you're just ignoring me!'

When I tried to talk about the relationship: 'All you do is think about yourself.'

When I didn't talk: 'I can never talk to you about the relationship!'

She even called me a borderliner a few times  lol

Mines was "I'm a REAL woman" or "I need a REAL man"!  The former was in response any criticism of her behaviors are unusual or extreme.  The latter was to encourage me to do something that I found ridiculous or extreme.  Apparently, reality was acting as extremely as humanly possible, lest one become a "robot".

"I have needs"  (really?  I'd never have guessed!)

"God loves me and forgives me"

"I've been reborn"  (a virgin apparently again) :)  blimey... .not how I remember it, or the guy before me... .  Convenient though if she were to have the arranged marriage that she threatened me with regularly... . 

and the old classic... .

"My mother will pay"... .lol 

UPDATE:  Her mother can't pay:  Lost it all with the frozen Cypriot Laiki Bank accounts in the financial meltdown there.  An entire grandfather's inheritance, gone.  Pity!  Such lovely   people!  (made my day/week/month/year/decade)

"I don't want ruin your life"

Roll on six months

"I will ruin your life"

"Let's have a baby"  (said while hitting himself in the head)

"You promised me McDonald's would still have Shamrock shakes!" (said while sobbing my lap after)

"There is no one else I love you" (said before running to check his dating site replies in bathroom"

"I love you as much a big mac"

My SO told me a couple of his uBPDxw's favorites... .

"It's taken care of"... .Nothing was or is ever taken care of by her 

"You can't be mad at me!"... .wanna bet!

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