BPDFamily.com

I'm here for relationship advice. My girlfriend has BPD I think (this is my diagnosis based on observed symptoms) and last night we had a nasty fight when I mentioned I wasn't sure I wanted to renew the lease on our apartment another 6 months. Although I had no intention of ending the relationship, she turned it into a choice between renewing our lease and ending everything. Our relationship is about to hit the one-year mark and I've been aware of BPD for the last 6 months after I went searching for an explanation of why she acts the way she does at times.

Yes, I know that we should never have moved in together before a year into the relationship but I consider that a product of unusual circumstance and a 'learning experience.' I'm 24 and I want to make decisions today that I won't regret years from now.

I've worked very hard to maintain emotional health, and detachment when it was necessary. And being placed in situations like this makes me question the entire relationship. We have no kids, no joint finances, and moving out (and even a breakup) would be fairly simple compared with what I might find years from now if I continue on the same path.

I do care about her. She has quite a lot of emotional baggage from childhood, an alcoholic mother, and a mediocre relationship with her father. She has few friends and has bounced around a number of jobs this year. I fear that any disruption in our relationship will throw her in such a bad place that she'll lose her job, and then I'll feel responsible for her welfare. I don't know where to go from here.

I have a very strong sense of purpose and self-respect, which she has little of. I am independent and not afraid of leaving; she is very dependent and in a given episode she'll bounce between the angry, depressed, and hurt/fearful conditions. I guess I'm really just looking for advice on what this relationship will look like 5 years from now if I stick with it, and what it will look like if I bail out now. I suspect that if I insist on moving out when our lease ends in March I'll see the hurt/fearful woman who I want to help who then will want to compromise and maintain the relationship even though she has told me already that it's over if I move out. These things confuse me and I understand the truth behind F.O.G.

Thanks all in advance for the advice and support, I really appreciate the existence of forums like this.

*welcome* *welcome*


This is a good... .healthy... .normal reaction.  You will find many people here that can guide you with your questions... .

Also realize that only you can make those decisions. 

I'm glad you are here.  Look to the right of the screen.  Do you see the lessons?  Have you read them... .?


We will chat a lot about making decisions based on fear...   Have you read the term FOG?  What does that mean to you.

Keep answering questions... .and posting... we'll get you going in a better direction...