BPDFamily.com

My wife clearly has issues with obsessive thinking, as I am sure most pwBPD do.  But I am starting to recognize this is not just obsessive thinking about certain subjects, but that is how her brain works, about everything and anything.  I can relate to obsessing about some things for a little while, but I move on.  She doesn't move on until she has something else to obsessively think about.  Two weeks ago, she was obsessively thinking about my family and our upcoming wedding ceremony (we are technically married, but still having a ceremony for family).  This week, she is obsessively thinking about learning to start a business or work from home.   And I recognize she obsessively thinks about her relationship with me, and sex with me, about stuff from her past, and food - just one thing after another.  It's the way her brain is wired.

Obviously, this is self-destructive.  The end result of her obsessive patterns has never, ever been good.  So, should she be able to understand this is a serious a pervasive underlying problem, how would a therapist go about addressing this and help in changing the pattern?  Or would a T just recognize that pattern is deeply rooted, and instead try and get her to obsess over healthier things?  The issue I see with the latter is that my wife will even burn out obsessing over healthy things, and the end result is the same.

 

Max,

This is just my guess... .

I would guess that a therapist would see obsessive thinking as a 1-10 scale.  Likelihood that your wife stops thinking obsessively... .(I think you can fill in that blank)

Let's say a therapist and your wife... (and hopefully you... ) decide that right now your wife is a 9 on a 1-10 scale.  10 being bad... .1 being good... (very few... .or a "normal" amount of obsessive thinking)

My guess is a T would first try to gain self awareness... and then try to knock it down a notch or two.  Then... hopefully more self awareness that her life is better with less obsessive thinking... .  Hopefully you can learn so strategies to help divert her.

I'm not a T... .so I don't know "how" they would do this.

Good luck with this!  I can see that it would really help her. 

Not sure how this compares... .but I don't see much obsession in my wife.  I do see a lot of paranoia.

If I'm reading your threads right... .would you say that obsession is your wife's core issue (other than having BPD).

I think I would say that about my wife... .

What seems to have happened in her therapy... .and "ours"... .is that if we turn the temp down... .she can catch glimpses of how paranoid thinking has harmed our r/s.    This allows her to work at trying to stay away from it.  Which leads to longer times of "normal".

However... .when temp goes up... .and she dysregs... .it actually seems to get "worse"... .or "odder". 

Now that I'm full up on tools and practice... .I can usually manage it ok.  And we return to baseline... .

Thoughts?

Max, I have a girlfriend that is a mostly recovered BPD.  She still has some issues and being obsessive and scattered are 2 of them.  She is doing some therapy that involves biofeedback and brain wave treatment.  I am not sure what this is called but she said it is helping her a lot.  Is your BPDw in therapy on her own with a good therapist?

Right now she has a weekly T that does EMDR, and our MC.  She has to find a new T, because the one she has been seeing is at a free clinic which only gives her so many sessions for free.  Now that she has my insurance, I would like her to find a T that she feels comfortable working with long term.  Clearly, she needs to. 

My wife would answer that her core issues are anxiety and depression.  I've learned that anxiety and depression are broad terms with many different flavors.  What she describes as "anxiety" is not what I would describe as "anxiety".  Hers is more of the obsessive thinking worry category, where mine is just a general feeling of being unsettled.  Same goes with the depression.  Her depression includes a significant component of shame and self hate.   When I feel depressed, it's just a feeling, a lack of motivation, and general sadness over nothing in particular. 

When she describes her life to me, clearly it is obsess about this until she finds something else to obsess about.  Lately, she has been obsessed with planning her schedule.  She will spend HOURS at night planning her days and weeks ahead out.  My outside perspective sees that as a deeper pattern that fuels her anxiety and depression.  I think our MC has caught on that she has severe problems with obsessive thinking, but I think it took awhile to see that. 

My wife has obsessive issues also.  Every year from Jan till February or March she "obsesses" about diets and trying to find a new one to fit her and how she is feeling.  She willtry that until she self sabotages herself and doesn't stick to it and doesn't understand why.  To "pick herself back up", she will plan a vacation (or two) for the summer and then find a new "business" she wants to start to help pay for it.  She obsesses over that until she spends more time on those than her actual job and gets horribly behind and then has to quit the "new business".  Then to pick herself back up, she will get into the holidays and spend money and eat unhealthily to feel better.  It starts over every year and always goes in the same cycle.  It is almost obsessive/compulsive, but I completely understand the obsessing thing... .

I guess what I am getting at here is whether this obsessive behavior is something that a T would have to work with, or something that the T would try to arrest.  In other words - is there a set therapy regimen and a trusted solution.  Since my wife is now a bit more self aware of her issues, a bit more open about them, an looking for a new T - I'd like to guide her in the direction of a T or therapy program that deals with obsessive thinking.  But if that is not an issue that can easily be addressed, perhaps not even worth bringing up.  I read that CBT deals with this -would this be something I can suggest to her?

 

Max,

I see where you are going with this... and think it is worthy to try.  Unfortunately... .no idea how Ts going about dealing with obsession. 

Many Ts will do free phone consults... might just ask them.  Make sure they know BPD... .with heavy obsession.