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Title: wth Post by: rarsweet on January 28, 2015, 08:52:28 PM Some days it's really like hitting your head against a brick wall. He emailed me and said " when you talk about all the amazing things you do for daughter, you're really not thinking about what we both do good for her, not like when I talk about doing good for her, your should think about what's best for her like I do" I emailed back and said I'm sorry I really don't understand can you explain. He emailed back and said there's no point because he knows how tricky I am with communication. I then said I would like to stay on topic and he responded with " I hope daughter is cheerful and happy" I stopped responding. Half the time I don't have a clue what the hell he is even talking about, ugh. Another email he says I am manipulative, I said I'm sorry you feel manipulated, thats not my intention, could you give me an example if what I do to make you feel that way. His response was " if your arm hurts too bad ( tendonitus) I can care for daughter for us, I am just like what the heck is there any sense to be made?
Title: Re: wth Post by: Turkish on January 28, 2015, 10:33:30 PM Telling you how you should feel is invalidating. It seems hard to limit communication more with a baby (and given his oddness), but have you thought about validating the valid and invalidating the invalid? The latter sometimes needs zero response, no matter how crazy it seems to us. You've otherwise been practicing BIFF in communicating with him, right? Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. Occasionally, I've had to drop the Friendly portion, though I didn't replace it with Mean.
It's probably harder for you with a baby and not seperated that long. I think of it as business: the business of raising a child. |