Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: downnout98 on February 07, 2015, 11:11:27 PM

Title: Why is it so hard to get over exBPDs?
Post by: downnout98 on February 07, 2015, 11:11:27 PM
I have been through relationships in my life and have been divorced (painful but managed through) but never had this much trouble getting over my exBPD. Have we been conditioned by them. Is it the back and forth, give love and take it back, being treated like a yo-yo? Is it the being replaced so easily or threat of it? I have never been treated so bad. I have never fought this hard for a relationship either. I am trying NC but difficult. I have been replaced and still struggle. This can't be right. How do they have such control over us?

Title: Re: Why is it so hard to get over exBPDs?
Post by: ReluctantSurvivor on February 07, 2015, 11:20:39 PM
My personal thoughts on this are that it is mostly due to the initial love bombing.  If you read about this behavior it is the exactly the same methods a cult uses to hook new members into the fold.  I also feel that traumatic bonding comes into play.  I know that I stuck around far longer than I should thinking two things: 1)That amazing woman I fell in love with will be back 2)Surely if I make it through all this hardship then good things will come out of this effort.

I had no idea what I was dealing with.  A healthy woman would have appreciated the sacrifice and dedication and shown some reciprocal loyalty.  I wasn't dealing with a healthy woman.  That's what is so hard for me.  My mind and heart do not like to accept that such a bad thing could be real and the really painful part is that I stuck around to take the abuse stoically until I was discarded.