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Title: problems staying true to myself - help? Post by: rise_up on February 23, 2015, 06:44:16 AM Hi everyone
I'm having a hard time today with myself. I've recently acted in ways that are not true to myself and I sincerely regret my behavior. My partner wBPD accidentally hurt herself yesterday when we were playing tennis. She literally whacked her face with the racket and she had her sunglasses on. My instinct was to run over and take care of her. My head got in the way and I froze... .this is because in the past, if she has accidentally hurt herself, I would run over and try to take over and she would snap at me. I just stood there and just asked are you okay. When she said she wasn't, I still stood there until she said she needed help. Blood was running down the bridge of her nose and she started yelling at me because I was just standing there. She began to explode with rage and hurt. She told me to shut up and f**k off and get away from her. After an hour of being by herself, she came home and I was still frozen. The rest of the night she told me that she married the weakest person she knew and regrets it. I tried to use SET and even took ownership that even if I felt apprehensive, I could have come up to her to ask what she needed. She continued with her anger and I think I deserved it. The rest of the evening was filled with silence. I got up early this morning and she was furious that I hadn't done enough to remedy the situation. We talked on the phone when she left and things calmed down. I can't believe I went against what I thought was right because I engaged in a lot of mind reading. Can anybody share their thoughts, or resources/tools to help me stay true to myself and not fall into this dark cloud of "wanting to do right" by her all the time? I want to climb out of this victim behavior. Title: Re: problems staying true to myself - help? Post by: 123Phoebe on February 23, 2015, 07:11:54 AM Hi rise_up,
Ooo yea, it's pretty easy to get struck by paralysis of analysis. I'm glad things have calmed down some! Here's a link to "Boundaries- Living our Values": https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0 Might shine some light on what happened yesterday. Poke around the links on the site, there's a lot of good info available on just what you've mentioned, i.e, How to take care of yourself and the Victim triangle. And keep posting, too! Title: Re: problems staying true to myself - help? Post by: Cat Familiar on February 23, 2015, 10:04:59 AM It's understandable based upon your past experiences that you would be hesitant to help in that situation. It's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't experiences. And so frustrating to be the target of her rage for not acting the way she thought you should.
Perhaps when she has calmed down, you might have a discussion about how she would prefer you to respond if she were hurt. Be careful not to JADE, but it might be an opportunity for her to see that she has put you in an untenable situation. Tread carefully. |