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Title: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: disillusionedandsore on February 26, 2015, 09:50:20 PM Hi there, thank God for this site or I would still be living the crazy. As painful as the information has been it explained so much mind boggling stuff. I found the 'out of sight out of mind' element of BPD to be the absolute worst realisation. He had bee diagnosed with Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, so the impulsivity, time management and memory problems where the biggest issues I thought I had to deal with... .it still didnt quite add up... .mood swings, rages, verbal abuse and obstinacy I believed could be overcome with education, counselling and support... .For me to think that all those hours and days I put in with him are effectively erased and 'forgotten' (not appreciated ) by him kills me, how do you get over/past that? It just laughs at the notion of an 'us'... .
Title: Re: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: rlhmm on February 26, 2015, 10:03:25 PM hi! i am so sorry you are going through this pain! the good news is you have come to the right place! all the people here have gone through similar situations as your self and you are NOT ALONE! please do NOT take his affliction personally! its not your fault its all a part of his pathology of mental illness! i understand your pain as so many people here do. you must detach yourself from him and that "stinkin thinkin" as i like to say. are you completely NC?
Title: Re: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: Restored2 on February 26, 2015, 10:44:41 PM Welcome to this very supportive family, disillusionedandsore! I can totally relate to your chosen identity name of disillusioned and sore. Great selection. Actually, I think pretty much all of us can. Thank God for this site indeed It has been extremely helpful for me and many others. It's good to avoid "living crazy"! It can be challenging stuff to chew through at times.
It is hard to get over/past the thought of being "out of sight out of mind", as we don't think the same way at all. Title: Re: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: disillusionedandsore on February 26, 2015, 10:48:01 PM Yes, completely. I did spot him when out shopping at Christmas and said hello (after 4 months), he wanted to chat (lie) and I let him, I wanted to see what I would notice, somewhat out of the FOG. It was bizarre. I wondered how I could ever have loved him or fallen for his BS... .he spoke to me like he had only seen me yesterday, as if time had stood still for 4 months, but also like I was nobody in particular to him, just another random person he happened to meet going about his day... .not somebody he hurt, not somebody he wanted to marry just someone he'd spoken to before, someone who's name he knew and he played familiar/friendly with, someone at 6 o clock before the person at 7 o clock... .I can't explain it only to say it was head spinningly weird... .devoid of emotion? Or devoid of context ie. 'Us'?
Title: Re: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: ReluctantSurvivor on February 26, 2015, 10:51:51 PM Hello DaS, Welcome to the family.
I'm sorry you are going through this pain. It's one helluva feeling to pour heart and soul into a r/s only to have it all disregarded. For me what has helped me get over that pain is time, therapy at my lowest point, redirecting that heart and soul into myself, living in a gym and the one that really helps: I have accepted that I deeply loved (and still do to an extent) a person who is deeply scarred, mentally ill and incapable of ever reciprocating or appreciating this at an adult level. I gave someone my best, it wasn't enough and one day they left me. This hurt deeply, it still hurts at times but all of this is not on me. It was their choice to leave, they chose to reject my best. It has taken time and talking to friends, family and a therapist but I know that I offered and delivered something great. That the person receiving it is not able to appreciate the gift does not diminish the quality of myself or my love. These things hurt. I completely lost myself in the end and aftermath of my BPD r/s. I was shattered and stripped down to a skeleton bare being. I have used this as an opportunity to work on myself, my own deep issues and areas that can be improved. I was already in pieces, might as well clean out the cob-webs while I put it all back together! |iiii I am glad you found this site. Read, share, heal. Title: Re: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: disillusionedandsore on February 26, 2015, 11:49:26 PM Thank you Reluctant, Restored and Rhimn x comforting to have your responses. Acceptance comes and goes, it is hard to chew...
Title: Re: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: rlhmm on February 27, 2015, 12:14:44 AM Thank you Reluctant, Restored and Rhimn x comforting to have your responses. Acceptance comes and goes, it is hard to chew... you are welcome Disillusioned. its true, it does come and go at times... .with time, hopefully it will stay, more and more. best of luck to you! Title: Re: six months out of a 2 year 10 month '2nd chance' relationship, devastated still Post by: Restored2 on February 28, 2015, 12:51:16 AM Thank you Reluctant, Restored and Rhimn x comforting to have your responses. Acceptance comes and goes, it is hard to chew... You're welcome, disillusionedandsore. It is hard to chew on anything tough like BPD. The journey is all apart of the process. Keep moving upwards and forwards... . |