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Title: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: TakesAVillage on February 27, 2015, 04:14:14 PM Hi All,
I'm still getting my feet under me here, but am just overwhelmed by the amazing support I'm receiving. The information is invaluable, the community such a safe harbor. I share a 2.5 y/o son with my dBPD ex. Since 8 weeks after his birth, I noticed the disturbing pattern of my ex referring to him in a way I'd never heard a parent do: he refers to him as "my son" almost exclusively, most often not even opting to use his name. IOW, he never introduces him by name, refers to him as such in court, and even in emails/texts to me... .always, "my son." He's been coached by attorney's, mediators, me (which I know know is the last person he wants to hear it from), to consider "our son" or "child's name", and while he may use it artificially for a short time, reverts right back to the "my son" habit. Is that a common thing here? Warm Thanks, TakesAVillage Title: Re: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: JRT on February 27, 2015, 04:24:08 PM I know that its not exactly the same but might provide some perspective.
My BPDex NEVER called me by name. She always referred to me as 'Hun' or when I would answer the phone she would say 'Hey'. I posed this question on a thread a while back where some felt that it was an indication that she didn't see me in human terms so to speak. That I was more of an object than a person or an avoidance of intimacy. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=239760.10 I hope that this is helpful Title: Re: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: rarsweet on February 27, 2015, 08:05:12 PM My ex calls our daughter her shortened name but when he emails me he uses her full name kind if like billy and William. I think in your case its like the child is a posession, like my car, or my dog.
Title: Re: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: Panda39 on February 27, 2015, 10:28:40 PM On the flip side... .
I was married for 19 years to an alcoholic and my son only called his father by his first name... .didn't want him to be his dad. His dad has been sober now for 3 years and has finally earned the title "dad". Regarding your ex... .sounds like he sees your son as his "property" Title: Re: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: PinkieV on February 28, 2015, 10:55:55 AM Someone here - I think it's ForeverDad- has posted that his ex could not share "her" child.
Title: Re: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: livednlearned on February 28, 2015, 05:23:55 PM Hi TakesAVillage,
Objectifying others is something that people with personality orders do. There's a workshop on the site about this (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=87006.0) -- it's geared toward romantic partners but I found the same thing applied to N/BPDx's relationship with S13 and my former stepson. My ex didn't say "my son" all the time, but he did treat him like an object. That's why validating your child will be so important. They won't be emotionally validated by the BPD parent because that would require them seeing the child as someone separate from them. Title: Re: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: whirlpoollife on March 01, 2015, 12:27:32 AM X2bh calls S16, "the boy". D he gave her a nickname. He rarely , if ever used / uses their first name.
His new one is , directed to me , is "we three" or "we three as family". For 27 yrs, h mostly refered to me as , "the wife". Another was , mommmmy. No love names. My first name, never. Title: Re: Ex dBPD Doesn't Use Son's Name, but "My Son"-anyone else? Post by: enlighten me on March 01, 2015, 01:39:41 AM It does seem like he's objectifying and staking his claim. This is my son!
Has he ever accused you of cheating? I aak this as even if he has no reason to believe you cheated it doesnt always stop them and if this is the case then he may be convincing himself that he is his son. Im not saying this is the case but may be. |