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How to tell your ex BPDgf that her mom is scary and my son hates to go home.its like I have know one to talk to because they are so fake around people it makes me so sick.the fake ness is the worst like they act like they care.everything I do for my son they try to do the next weekend.all I want is them to be good examples not gas slighting telling my son he has two dads

Hostage,

It is heart-breaking for your son's mom to have moved her bf in and told your son to call him dad. My Ex was posting pics of her affair partner with the kids on FB less than two months after she moved out. Now she's engaged to him... .

From what you describe, it sounds, unsurprisingly, that her mom may be BPD as well. Your previous posts indicate that he often doesn't want to go back. Is it still like this?

You can't control their disordered behavior; that's who they are. What does your son say, and how do you validate his feelings?

Hi Hostage1234,

It is challenging that both your ex gf and the mom are BPD, and your son has to be with them. How old is he? How does he express his fear?

When he is afraid and doesn't want to go back to his mom, how do you respond?

You have us here to listen. We're not there in your real life, but people here understand. We're here for you.

Also, your son knows you are his dad. Blood is thicker than gaslighting  :)

LnL

He's scared to go home Ind stalls he crys if I go to the bathroom with out me he is very at attached to me.it breaks my heart that he has to go through this

This may be frightening, but it may not be all that much out of the ordinary for his age. He s 3, right, but how far into his 3rd year?

My D2 is 3 in two months. She still acts like this. I pretty much broke S5 (a month ago) of co-sleeping, for example, and in the last few months just got D2 to go to sleep in their room. She also follows me around constantly (she learned to hit the standby button on my desktop so I have trouble being here when I have them). She used to cry when left the room. She pounds on the door if I am in the bathroom for more than a minute. I'm not dealing with alienation tactics as you are either, though she complained about The Other Guy to me this morning when I watched them for a few hours on their mom's day.

Her behaviors concerned me greatly at first, but then I stepped back and thought, "I don't have them all of the time. I'm going to love them up when I can." I hold her a lot, and still tell her that she is the greatest baby in the world. I tell my son similar things for his age. For what's going on at the other home, I can't control. What I can do is have them feel like my home is a safe haven, and so am I.

If your son needs you, then that's how he feels. Validate that.

As soon as I started mediation I went from being called Dad - to under no circumstance am I to call myself Dad. Then this narrative was enabled throughout supervised visitation by the women supervising my visits. So I feel your pain, it is frustrating when Borderlines get overly controlling about the language - and it is dangerous. Language shapes thought, and if you are the Father, at least in my opinion you should be called Dad. I have learned to start saying 'in my opinion' thesedays, because I live in Australia - where having our own opinion is one of the very last liberties afforded to us. I may as well have my own while I can, a bit like last drinks, lol.