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Title: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: Loosestrife on March 14, 2015, 04:58:54 AM My BPD SO is constantly manipulating everyone and wants to have any other diagnosis other than BPD. I am constantly validating and use the techniques. I am one person at home and another at work/ with others who live in the real world and are reasonable - How do people live this lie/double life?
Title: Re: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: Michelle27 on March 14, 2015, 09:12:03 AM Oh wow, do I ever understand that double life... .I lived it for the better part of a decade when my husband's mental health unraveled 9 years ago after we found out his son from his first marriage had been horribly sexually abused. I believe he was very high functioning BPD until then, but his son's abuse brought up his own childhood abuse and he snapped. Finally now, he's working towards getting a diagnosis and treatment. To the outside world, I am a pillar of strength and giving but in my marriage, for a long time I felt like a victim until I was able to do a lot of major inner work in the past few years. It's hard, but I think the key is to work on being the same person in all parts of our lives. Easier said than done, I know.
Title: Re: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: Riverrat on March 14, 2015, 10:05:16 AM Yes, I SOO get the double life. I can't be myself around dBPDgf, and I think she even recognizes this, but can't process that fact. She is constantly correcting me, and projecting like crazy as of late.
NO ONE believes what we go through, except maybe a T. Even went to my Mom's house with her this week, and she was the perfect gf in all regards, even offering to help mom with household projects, and talking 50's music with her. But in the truck on the way home she starts giving me crap. Sometimes I wonder--If I came home one day and she was gone, how would I really feel? Could I go back to being my true self? Title: Re: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: bluejeans on March 14, 2015, 11:09:34 AM It's so hard. It is so comforting to talk to other reasonable people. I realize I can be myself and not so uptight about what to say - and it works out fine with them!
Title: Re: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: Loosestrife on March 14, 2015, 05:38:38 PM I can relate to being criticised for using the wrong words or just for how my voive sounds. I'm fed up with 'illness' being an excuse. BPD isn't even an illness- it's a disorder!
Title: Re: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: EaglesJuju on March 14, 2015, 07:47:21 PM Hi Loosestrife,
I understand how frustrating it can get coping with the behaviors. It can take a toll on anyone. What do you do to cope when your SO is acting a certain way? My BPD SO is constantly manipulating everyone and wants to have any other diagnosis other than BPD. How is your SO manipulating everyone? Title: Re: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: JohnLove on March 14, 2015, 07:50:28 PM I agree Loosestrife, it is mental "illness" in common parlance, but it really is the result of DISORDERED thinking and a DISORDERED state of being.
The more I experience and the more I read I am left wondering just how much is avoidable?, how much is manipulation?, and how much is the disorder?... .because I have experienced idealisation and pwBPD don't seem to have too much trouble with themselves or interacting with others then... .? Title: Re: Reality is becoming a blur Post by: Loosestrife on March 18, 2015, 03:12:34 PM Hi Loosestrife, I understand how frustrating it can get coping with the behaviors. It can take a toll on anyone. What do you do to cope when your SO is acting a certain way? My BPD SO is constantly manipulating everyone and wants to have any other diagnosis other than BPD. I try to use tools off here and not jump in to rescue. It difficult when I see outright manipulation but if I mention it all hell breaks lose How is your SO manipulating everyone? |