BPDFamily.com

Max:

A helicopter. That blows me away.

For years now, I've been wanting to hear opinions from people who have used outside sources to help a partner who threatens suicide or has ideations. For you, it was police. I'm confident that would be effective. But what about anything aside from law enforcement, such as hotlines, live-chat rooms or whatever else. I've tried many of them for advice, and found all of them worthless.

Maybe there's a thread or two here that focuses on any of that. Please let me know if you've run across any. Thanks.

NGU - police - well... .I wish there was another emergency option.  But they aren't trained mental health workers.  Police only help when your life, the pwBPDs life, or another life is in jeopardy.  But police have little patience with mentally ill people.  I wish I could call some kind of mobile emergency psychs, but I can't.  I can only do that after submitting a ton of paperwork for review to have her involuntarily committed. 

I actually asked a mental health advocacy non-profit for advice what to do when my wife is having a severe crisis.  Their response?  Get a divorce

But... .you... .that's... .I... .

Ugh.

That's why I've had so many problems with assistance. It's not actually assistance. A divorce? Come on.

Important note: I'm not suggesting to anyone else that they avoid seeking help, especially in a life-threatening situation.

Oh yeah, the first time I called police, she was self harming, making threats against herself, etc.  I have never EVER seen ANYONE act close to that level in my whole life.  I WAS TERRIFIED.  The police came, she tried to fight with them, but because she made no threatening statements in front of them, they told me there was nothing they could do.  The one officer came over to tell me that he has seen this many times before, and suggested that I pack a bag, take anything valuable, she will likely trash the house and leave, and I will never see her again.

This is where I take a step back and think happy thoughts so I don't get too jaded. My college friend is a detective/former vice cop. They do tend to get a little desensitized.

 

Also makes me wonder how many of the "issues" that are out there in society... .are really mental illness in disguise... .or just plain mental illness with no disguise.

Gee, when I watch the news these days, I feel like I am spotting mental illnesses and PDs left and right... .

1. Thanks to the mod who split this topic.

2. Max and FormFlier:

My friend and I took the same psychology courses in college, including one that focused on diagnosing mental illnesses. We would sit in the quad, watch people, and shove them into DSM categories. I keep that in mind when I watch therapists in action. I can see their wheels spinning, especially the younger ones. (I've had at least 9 intakes.)

I also wonder how many people out there have undiagnosed mental illnesses, but I'm also sensitive to therapists who see any normal action and consider it a symptom. For example, I've been labeled as manic when A) I was excited and animated about personal progress B) When I became frustrated at therapists wouldn't listen and C) When they brought up a painful subject and saw me suddenly become quiet and introspective.

3. One of those introspective moments is related to the subject of this thread. I totally get it Max. Watching a loved one have a total break is terrifying. I'm now better prepared to confront it again.

You know those life events that are seared into your mind forever? One is seeing my W curled up in a ball on the floor next to the bed, shaking and crying uncontrollably, with volumes of snot hanging from her nose and a partial bald spot on the top of her head where she had just pulled out so many strands of hair.

That's one of the reasons I became a member here. Like all of us, we're trying to come to terms with a complex mental disorder. It's a lot to process.

As for the people who ask me why I stay with her... .that question only increases my resolve.

The suicidal threats (and actions) are one of the trickiest things to face, in my experience so far.  Despite all of the public service announcements and myriad articles that tell you to take these threats seriously and get help for your loved one, the "help" is never specified.  I have been confronted with this situation numerous times with my BPDbf and I have been completely at a loss because he IS law enforcement, so I can't even call the police. 

As mentioned in other posts, I've tried various hotlines as well and despite good intentions (usually), I haven't received any concrete advice.  I even called one specifically for law enforcement - I got a voice mail and they never called me back.

I worked in the mental health care field for many years and am fortunate that I am more familiar than most with resources that are available, but there are many situations that call for a different kind of help than the "admit 'em and medicate 'em" route.  Law enforcement isn't trained to deal with mental illness effectively and continual cuts to community mental health budgets mean that alternative resources are dwindling. 

For me, I've found the most help comes from talking to my own therapist (not his) about situations that have occurred and brainstorm ways to respond when it inevitably happens again.  Talking to HIS therapist has caused significant additional rifts in our relationship because he feels that I have "gone behind his back", but I do believe that in reality he wanted me to tell her what he could not, so when I believe that the threat or actions are credible (not just an outlet for his overwhelming emotions), I do let her know, despite the fallout.  I have to admit that it does help me feel like at least there is one other person on the planet sharing the burden at least a little bit with me.  Before he had a therapist, the pressure I felt was enormous - as I'm sure those of you on this board can identify with... .