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Title: Lack of communication Post by: Infern0 on March 17, 2015, 03:37:06 PM I've been having problems the last few days with lack of communication on her part. She still talking to me every day but seems to vanish mid conversation. There Hasn't been any sign of devaluation just a "distance" and it's weird how she vanishes mid conversation.
I should add that she has a lot of stress at the moment dealing with problems at work, a sick family member and a few other things. But I feel she's pushing me away a bit. I'm trying to not stress out and just be there when she needs me but I get nervous because last time she started to get distant it lead to our first break up. It's probably just that she's got so much stress but I just had to get it out because it's been bothering me Title: Re: Lack of communication Post by: ColdEthyl on March 17, 2015, 04:13:38 PM Hello, Infern0 I am sorry you are going through this. It certainly hurts when it feels like they are pulling away, and I understand your fears.
Can you tell us a bit more? Has she gotten silent when she has been stressed in the past that didn't lead to a breakup? Can you give us an example of her vanishing mid-conversation? If you feel like talking about it, how many times have you guys broken up? What were the reasons? If ask any question you don't want to answer, it's ok to tell me to stuff it :) Title: Re: Lack of communication Post by: Infern0 on March 17, 2015, 04:59:39 PM Hello, Infern0 I am sorry you are going through this. It certainly hurts when it feels like they are pulling away, and I understand your fears. Can you tell us a bit more? Has she gotten silent when she has been stressed in the past that didn't lead to a breakup? Can you give us an example of her vanishing mid-conversation? If you feel like talking about it, how many times have you guys broken up? What were the reasons? If ask any question you don't want to answer, it's ok to tell me to stuff it :) We only broke up once and it was because she became very withdrawn and seemed disinterested. I tried reaching out a lot but it didn't help. Eventually I got upset and angry and we argued a lot and ended it. Not long after that she got with my replacement. A little while after that we started talking again and were friends but she always said she regretted what happened and still loved me. She broke up with the replacement so we could have another chance but he wants her back and has been perusing pretty hard. I'm just concerned because this guy has serious issues of his own and is obsessed with her but I guess because they are both very damaged they have this weird connection. I just worry that she will go back to him and I feel a bit like she's trying to push me away. This could be just paranoia But I feel like it's wise to be guarded considering her history. I just wish she could be more open and honest. If she is going back to him then that's officially it for me and her I will be done 100% this time. Title: Re: Lack of communication Post by: ColdEthyl on March 17, 2015, 05:13:26 PM Hello, Infern0 I am sorry you are going through this. It certainly hurts when it feels like they are pulling away, and I understand your fears. Can you tell us a bit more? Has she gotten silent when she has been stressed in the past that didn't lead to a breakup? Can you give us an example of her vanishing mid-conversation? If you feel like talking about it, how many times have you guys broken up? What were the reasons? If ask any question you don't want to answer, it's ok to tell me to stuff it :) We only broke up once and it was because she became very withdrawn and seemed disinterested. I tried reaching out a lot but it didn't help. Eventually I got upset and angry and we argued a lot and ended it. Not long after that she got with my replacement. A little while after that we started talking again and were friends but she always said she regretted what happened and still loved me. She broke up with the replacement so we could have another chance but he wants her back and has been perusing pretty hard. I'm just concerned because this guy has serious issues of his own and is obsessed with her but I guess because they are both very damaged they have this weird connection. I just worry that she will go back to him and I feel a bit like she's trying to push me away. This could be just paranoia But I feel like it's wise to be guarded considering her history. I just wish she could be more open and honest. If she is going back to him then that's officially it for me and her I will be done 100% this time. Gosh... .I am so sorry It's hard to tell with pwBPD but if the other dude is still pursuing her it is a possibility. Triangulation is a common thing with pwBPD, and his proclamations of love and how awesome she is will draw her. Do they have regular contact? /hugs Title: Re: Lack of communication Post by: Kasina on March 17, 2015, 09:40:22 PM Hello inferno,
I am sorry that you are going through this paranoia right now but it's not invalid as you have already been through a break up following same pattern. It's very common for people with BPD to dissociate or get distant when they are going through stress,has she ever got distant before due to some stressors? From my experience,my BPD bf got distant for me like for a few weeks before breaking up.i could fel that he is pushing me away but like you I thought that this could be because he dissociated in time of stress and sometimes he just doesn't feel like talking. So it could be any of the thing either the stress is causing her to get distant or maybe a triangulation is imminent ... My bf used to push me away for both of the reason I don't know about yours but I could be any of the reason... usually my gut feeling was right. I totally agree with you in keeping your guard up cause its better to be in the know. So try and communicate with her about it,being distant... .even if you didn't get a definite answer... you will have some idea... Just my nickels worth.hang in there! |