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Had joint T session on friday, in 45 minutes we went from good too, if I didnt contact her she would miss me and contact me. So I havnt spoke with her since friday, I did have a good run this wknd, and lifted heavy today at gym, I am getting used to not having to respond to texts in the middle of my workouts. I do miss her, still love her but will continue working on me and hope she does make contact... .

Hi New2pain,

I am sorry that you are going through this.  I understand how upsetting and frustrating it is to cope with a dramatic change in behavior.    I went through something similar with my bf.  It is really tough, especially when you are used to our pwBPD contacting you on a regular basis. 

What happened during the joint session that made your relationship do a 180?

This was kind of like the back and forth that she has been doing for the last few months. I guess it just caught me off guard while in T, but im learning not to be surprised and know I cant control her actions. Im still reading/learning here, doing my thing and hoping she does contact me...

Do not be hard on yourself.    I can still get caught off guard, even with all of my BPD education.

Working on yourself during periods of NC really helps. I spent the majority of my NC phases with

my bf engrossed in self-improvement, whether it would be working out or my own self-discovery. In a way, my periods of NC made me become more self-aware. It was almost a foreign concept to start focusing on myself, but it really has had some benefits.  Other than working out, what else have you been doing to focus on yourself?

Ive been spending some time with friends I had lost some contact with, I had taken a couple of semsters off from school, I didn't realize how much r/s was exhausting me, but Im back finishing up my Masters.  We worked out/ran together so its kind of weird doing those things but something I did before her and really important part of me.

 

What did the T do with the 180... .any effort to help there... ?

She just got real cold, T tried to swing her back around but she was gone, I could see it coming on... .We had been talking about trust issues and T said something about it being possible but hard to rebuild, I think thats what started the turn off... I have been telling her, that with counseling I was sure we could, put past behind us and work on futur. ... .But hard work on a rrelationship and her world dont seem to mesh! ugh, but once it was out there was no taking it back

After no contact since friday, got a text last night (tues) telling me she was going with friend to watch game... .I texted back Hope you have fun, that started about 5 hrs of texting back and forth... .no real substance but it was her reaching out... .Seems like 4 days is about as long as it goes with no contact

It is definitely her reaching out to you. How you did feel the conversation went?

Are you going to continue the contact by reaching out to her next or wait for her to reach out to you again?

Think it went well for what it was, mostly small talk but it was good. She did thank me for putting pics of dog on snapchat so

she could see her. (Dog is 10, she had the dog since puppy, but when she left, she left dog with me) So this morning I sent a pic of dog... .no response from her. So I dont know if I should contact her,or wait for her... .This has been one of the hard things for me to figure out. Dont want to chase, dont want to be out of sight out of mind... .

And is it weird she left me her dog?

 

She left a connection there... .a way to recycle. 

That is theory... .but probably a good one...

She still has some other stuff at house, isint dog extreme?

PwBPD tend to leave things around to keep an attachment, even pets. 

I would wait for a response to the picture, she may not have had time to respond yet. 

Its been 6 hours... You think I should just wait and how long?

I would wait.

The timeframe depends on you. 

As you said before, four days is the limit for her going NC.

Send it... .and let that be it.  If she responds... .great... .if she doesn't... .great as well.

You did something that was very nice for someone that you cared about... .feel good about that... .feel good about what you have done.  If possible... .put more time into that... .vice evaluating what they are doing.

It's a mindset... .there is not formula for it.

Most of us that have been around for a while transition to doing more things for "us"... .even it if positively affects them.

So... .sending the picture was really for you... .it is in keeping with your values about treating people kindly... .you can feel good about your actions.

Do you see the nuance?

Yes Sir,

I was gonna just see how long it would take her.

Just when I was at that point yesterday of not feeling like I needed to be checking my phone every minute, is when she contacted me... .its almost like she knows what I am thinking. After her saying what she did at T I had made a point of not contacting her, now I have to get the feel for when convo is over and wait.  The pics she thanked me for where on snapchat and not just for her.