BPDFamily.com

Hey :)

I just wanted to throw in a question which I work on with my T lately which I realized can be really helpful to come back to the ground.

What are your personal ressources? What are your system's ressources (friends, family, community)? What are your strenghts and qualities you bring into the relationship with the kids? What makes you happy?

My T has me writing it down whenever there is something that comes to my mind - like a written reminder.

I found for me that I have a great understanding of my body's signals. I can go through long episodes of big emotional stress if I just listen to what my body wants me to be aware of. That can be a craving for salty foods, a stomach ache or whatever - I figured out that in most cases it all means something. I know my boundaries and I know my goals - and I fight for them.

I have a loving and caring mom who suports DH, SS7 and me at all times and enjoys being a "bonus-grandma" to SS7 so much. I have a father-in-law who is always happy to see SS7 and who enjoys being there and helping out when times get rough. I have DH who provides for all of us with the strength of a lion and supports me going on with my studies and my work while also taking care of SS7. I have my university's back and my workplace's back and they try to make everything possible for me to have time to spend with my family and find alternatives if SS is sick.

I feel like I can give SS7 a stability. He knows that when he's home, there's also catclaw by his daddy's side who won't be gone in a week or two. He can be sure that if I promise him something, I will do anything to keep that promise and so far I was always able to keep my promises. I'm teaching him that there's a solution to everything and that talking to people might help seeing alternatives when you're stuck. We write each other post-it notes to wish each other a good day/ good night when I have to leave early or come home late - he says he enjoys this game so much because he feels like this is something that shows that I think of him (and it makes him read and write when at all other times he avoids this task with all his life :)).

I really enjoy watching series with DH and goofing around, so we have a certain time for that fixed. And I love going for lunch with my mom or my brother or a friend from university. I try to have lunch with them at least once a week to talk about stuff and go to the bookstore afterwards. These things make me happy and balanced :)

You don't have to wirte yours down here if it's too personal. I just wanted to give an example. I'm really smiling right now that I wrote this down. I'm thankful for having my T trying this.

Lots of love

catclaw

This is a good exercise, catclaw  :)

Do you mean for this exercise to be done by step parents who experience BPD because their current SO has a BPD ex, and a child that they coparent?

hey LnL 

yeah, this is the situation that I am in at least... but i guess it would work out for bioparents whose ex-spouses have (u)BPD. My husband does the same - when times with his BPDx get tough again. Otherwise, just leave your role for the kids away :)