BPDFamily.com

Mr Bpd has been working away a long time, over half a year. We had the odd visit, and called on weekends. The job didn't work out, he's back, and seemed overjoyed to be here and spend time with me. Almost too much time: I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. Then he asked me to stay over at his place. He had a funny, almost mocking expression on his face as he did so. I've done it often, but not for a long time. So I did. I need closeness sometimes too. It was nice, really... .I left in the morning and I knew he was awake, but he didn't acknowledge me.

Since then he's been in bed most of the time. When I went round he said it was a stomach problem... .but I don't believe it. He scowls at me and can hardly talk. I asked him if it was physical or mental, this problem, and he said he didn't know. He doesn't want any contact... I see he is struggling to be civil. I asked if he could talk to me normally again... and he said... when I can do so again.

We have had our unusual relationship for 5 years now, sometimes good, sometimes not. I'm a lot older. I try to accept, not put pressure on him ... but sometimes I wonder. Do I make it worse? He has no other friends apart from me really, I'm the only person he really stays in contact with. And I know we do love each other basically.

It is really hard to be in this position with someone you love. It sounds like you need to get some help for yourself in figuring out what you want, and acknowledging what is good for you. Are you doing so?

I find myself asking that question a lot, like the ground has tilted under me and I don't know why I'm suddenly off-balance.  It can be hard not to let guilt creep in, I hope you're getting support when you need it.