BPDFamily.com

There is a history to all of this, but I don't want to be by passed for writing a book on our life story just yet! I go back and forth between losing my own sanity and becoming overwhelmingly depressed by my situation. My SO has been having what I would call an "episode" for 3 weeks now. He says horribly mean things when I try to engage him, pushes me away when I try to touch him, and just out right ignores me. Recently he has been staying out late it not coming home at all, he's even started talking to other women... .And I just don't know what to do. I've tried to shower him with nothing but love and understanding. I've tried to respect his need for space, but it didn't seem to be helping any. We also have a one year old together, (he left me while I was 6 months pregnant with her, and it took 9 months for us to get back together) I have 2 other children who he insisted they call him Daddy, and they do... .But now he didn't even acknowledge them anymore. He blames us for everything. I love him, want to be the family that he begged us to be again, but I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

Oh Mama... .I'm so sorry this is happening to you.  I don't have any good answers... .just know that we're here to support you.  Read everything you can and post as often as you want.  We're all here to help each other!

Hi, sorry your going through this  .

It sounds like an incredibly stressful and volatile situation, especially in your condition.

Has your partner been diagnosed with BPD? Have you got a safety plan/support for you and your kids?

He had received no official diagnosis; but with all of the research that I have been doing, the symptoms and patterns of BPD for him to a "T". At first I was so relieved to find a name for what we were experiencing. It's so difficult to just walk away, because when he is in a healthy state of mind he acknowledges that he is troubled, he expresses what appears to be a genuine desire to get help... .But life seems to get in the way of ever letting that happen. The moment passes and everyday stress of life just starts to gradually overwhelm him, until he just becomes filled with rage and wants to find an "out" We can go from being cuddled in bed and full of love and affection and open communication before he goes to work, and then him coming home telling me he doesn't love/want me anymore, he's had enough, he wants the kids and I put of HIS house. And I have no idea how such an extreme could be reached in a matter of hours. And then he just isolates himself, sleeping on the sofa, and spending all of his time outside chain smoking cigarettes (which he had successfully quit fur almost a year until this recent set back) and watching videos or playing games on his phone. And he throws himself into work, picking up extra shifts, in the past month he's had maybe ONE day off. And when he is not here, he is out participating in unproductive/frivolous activities. He holds the children and I responsible for his happiness or in this case unhappiness. Outside looking in, it's a relationship issue, he ignores is completely but will communicate perfectly fine with everyone else as if nothing if even wrong. He distorts reality and tells lies about what we've done "wrong" (things he's never even mentioned to me before) for every rebuttal I have he has a counter excuse or just behind filled with rage and tells me to stop annoying him and just leave him alone

I try so hard to be proactive instead of reactive, but his passive aggressiveness drives me mad! I am a communicator and his silence cuts me like a knife. His family say that I am not being submissive enough, that I'm not allowing him to be a man. No one found possibly understand that there is something much deeper going on here. But he is so good at putting on a facade that I look crazy! I'm the only constant that he has EVER had in his life. My family and friends say he is just an immature ass, but I see him struggling, I see pain behind the anger. But have no idea how to help, especially when validating becomes enabling and he refuses to evade denial. Ugh. I thought for sure that this time we had made enough progress that this could be prevented... .But obviously, I was wrong. And now I'm trying so hard not to make things worse... .Trying so hard not to lose him all over again.

Hi, the biggest lesson I had to learn is that you (I) can't fix them and if you keep trying to do the right thing for him and stop being yourself turn it just leads to your own ill health. I strongly suggest you seek out a good therapist to help you evaluate your situation.   :'(