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Title: Not sure where to turn to Post by: gunnered72 on April 10, 2015, 12:20:36 AM Hi there... my name is Eddy and I hope I'm in the right place... I believe my wife is suffering from BPD and I'm kinda at my wits end... .I have researched and researched and everything points to BPD... .she has all the described traits (too many to list) basically she is either crazy in love with me and I'm the best in the world one minute and then in the blink of an eye she despises me even going as far as acusing me of being evil... she throws things at me, screams at me, hits me, says very hurtful things about me etc etc etc... .This is becoming a daily occurrence and I'm finding it hard to live with especially as I suffer from anxiety and depression myself... where do I go from here I guess is what I'm asking... .Thanks in advance!
Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: Determined1 on April 10, 2015, 01:38:21 AM Hi and welcome to the bpdfamily message boards It can be such a confusing experience when these times occur and I suggest that you check out all of the links under the Tools section to help even out the odds. I find them very useful and with time, they can help improve things that are going on in your life.
Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: Loosestrife on April 10, 2015, 03:51:44 AM Hi
I'm really sorry you are going through this What's upur family situation, is it just the two of you? Can you stay with a friend for a while to break the cycle, you should not have to endure this domestic violence, you safety is paramount. If you haven't already got a therapist, I would strongly suggest this. L Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: gunnered72 on April 10, 2015, 04:33:56 AM Thanks for the replies... .I don't feel in any real physical danger... its more the emotional stuff that's getting me down... .its is just me and my wife living temporarily in my parents house until we get a place... .money is a little tight at the moment... .im just at a loss as to whether my wife can be helped or not... I love her with all my heart but her behaviour is destroying our relationship... .This has been going on a long time now... .she is starting to demand being in charge of the finances as well as a lot of other stuff... It actually feels like living with a dictator... .she also has a weed smoking problem which goes against everything I believe in as I am a recovering alcoholic myself ( 10 years sober now ) one day she can't let go of me and the next she just sees me as a piece of dirt on her shoe... .It is honestly the most confusing thing I've ever gone through and I've been through a lot... .i am tired of walking on eggshells... .Every night I go to sleep and I don't know what person I'm gonna wake up beside... .iT's either jeckyll or hyde... .and it can change in an instant
Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: sweetheart on April 10, 2015, 05:19:16 AM Hello gunnered72,
You are definitely in the right place, many people will be able to understand and relate to what you have posted. I can hear that your wife's behaviour is causing you a lot of stress and confusion. Below is a link to education and strategies that people on this forum are in various stages of implementing as a way of starting to deal with BPD. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206 Support for you will be crucial as you learn about this illness and/or related behaviours. You say that you are a recovering alcoholic, there are members on here who use the support structures put in place by 12 Step Program's. Do you have or would you consider a sponsor as a support source for yourself? Once you have done a little reading can you tell us more about you and your wife's relationship, has her behaviour always been like this ? It is possible with support and education and time to stop walking on eggshells. Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: babyducks on April 10, 2015, 05:19:45 AM Hi Gunnered,
Like Loosestife and Determined have said welcome. I vividly remember the confusion and desperation I was feeling the first day I arrived here. Gentle calm people pointed me first to the lessons on the right side of the page and I felt like I was reading my own story over and over again. There is a lot to absorb here. BPD is a very complex disorder and our reactions to it add even more complexity. It's going to take some time to gain some understanding of the behaviors going on and how to best respond. BPD thinking is predictable from within they way the disorder processes information. There are tools for communication. Just like Loosestrife I noticed you said you wife hits you. That's never acceptable. Stopping the cycle of conflict before it reaches the stage of throwing things and hitting is very important. I understand you don't feel in any real physical danger. However the level of conflict you are describing isn't good for either of you. In the simplest sense when the rage starts to build walk away, say something like 'I can't participate in this conversation right now' (put it in your own words) but remove yourself from the argument. Walk the dog, go to the store, take the trash out. I know more senior members will be along to welcome you. I am glad you are here. This is a good place. I've learned a lot and it's helped me more than I can say. try this link https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict (https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict) 'ducks Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: Mustbeabetterway on April 10, 2015, 06:58:47 AM welcome Gunnered72. Take comfort that you are not alone. I can relate to much of what you are going through. Most, if not all, of us can relate.
Sorry for what you have been through, but glad you found us. Congratulations on your sobriety! Keep learning from the lessons and keep posting. I am certain you can find help here. I agree with the others. Violence is not acceptable ever. Good luck. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: Cole on April 10, 2015, 07:12:13 AM Thanks for the replies... .I don't feel in any real physical danger... its more the emotional stuff that's getting me down... . ... .i am tired of walking on eggshells... .Every night I go to sleep and I don't know what person I'm gonna wake up beside... .iT's either jeckyll or hyde... .and it can change in an instant Welcome gunnered. The "emotional stuff" or emotional abuse at the hand of a person with BPD can be devastating, particularly if it is a spouse. Keep reading the posts and the lessons, there are plenty of people in the same position who have learned how to make things better. It is interesting you say walking on egg shells, because that is the name of one of the many books on living with a person with BPD. Check out the reading lists on this site, you will find good reference information. Title: Re: Not sure where to turn to Post by: gunnered72 on April 10, 2015, 09:46:29 AM Again... Thanks so much guys... .You are all very brave people... my AA twelve step programme has been the thing that's kept me going... lluckily I am a very grounded person now so I don't ever react in an aggressive manner when my wife is acting out... .I also know it's not her fault... .having suffered mental ill health for a large chunk of my life I understand a lot of what my wife goes through... .I could never ever judge a person who suffers this way... .I believe the most important thing you can do for someone with mental illness is just to be there for them
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