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What do you do on the days when you don't think you have what it takes to stay? 

There are days where I am certain I am staying. Then there are days where all I want is to get out of this relationship. Some of it is triggered by the pwBPD, some of it is my own triggers.  Is there anything anybody does that seems to be effective at getting out of the urge to run away?

She cornered me many times.  I lashed out with the threat of leaving. She always held it over my head.  Feb 7th, our breakup date, she told me if I didn't like it (during argument) I could leave. I told her "I know I can but I'm not".  She said "PROVE IT"!  It was inevitable that I was going to be without her in my future.  I can't wait to see what God is going to put in my path.  I love being a business man and I'm anxious to become a businessman again!  It was a terrible rollercoaster ride that did nothing but HARM to me. She didn't care what became of her life... .she and her family was/were happy with hum drum day to day living.  I'm hurting, but so glad I'm out.  Your results may vary! (as they say on product labels).  Maybe the question to ask is:  How much of this can you take before you are destroyed... .Can it get better? Will it get better?  One of the first things I read when I learned of BPD was someone suggesting: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!  I thought... .nah... .this can't happen to me... .LOL

I try and take a break and get some space.  Maybe hang out with friends.  Maybe doing something I really enjoy solo.  Usually things calm down after that. 

To be able to commit to staying in a BPD relationship you have to be able to get through the low cycles, because they will be there.  Learn how to take care of yourself, without triggering abandonment fears by your pwBPD. 

It also helped me to realize that I could leave any time I wanted.  But, it was my choice to stay.  I'm not trapped, I'm choosing to hang in there. 

Do you have friends you can hang with to help lift you up at these times?

I know that I have a choice of leaving or staying too, and have a mental list of pros and cons for both.  I entertain that list of pros of leaving for a little while.  Then I think about cons of leaving for a little while.  Even though things are not always the way I'd like for them to be, after giving both serious thought, leaving doesn't look better than staying.

I recharge by doing things by myself, so sometimes I find something to do that I enjoy - browse in a book store or library, drive on country roads, listen to music while taking care of some little project at home, read my favorite blogs.

Sometimes I call one of my siblings and focus the conversation on them.

Sometimes I think of this poem I first read when I was a teenager and has stuck in my mind ever since:  "When you are blue, find something to do for somebody else who is sadder than you."   And then I go do that.  Send them a card, write a nice letter, etc.  That little poem has prompted me to look outside myself in a lot of situations over the years. 

I jump in my kayak and go fishing... *)

... mind you don't need much of a reason to do that. :)

I recognize this as my own form of back & white thinking   It's pretty short-lived as I realize this too shall pass, we're still together with a wonderful history of getting through these times behind us.  While, it allows for more empathy towards him.

Our relationship doesn't define either one of us individually, "we" don't define each other, so if I'm not enjoying life because of whatever I'm thinking concerning him; I'm defining my happiness and identity through a lens of our relationship.  Twisted!

I'm usually neglecting myself in some way----> putting the onus on him to snap me out of it.

So I get out there and smell the roses!

(Hopefully I'm not out of place commenting... .I'm usually on leaving board)

When we were in a relationship still, the ups and downs got confusing, it was hard to NOT feel negative when things were low.

I made a promise to myself, that if I was going to make a decision to leave, that I would not do it after an argument.  I reminded myself that there was no rush, leaving takes time to arrange, and I can/should wait until the r/s levels out to either good again, or neutral.

Telling myself that, took the pressure off of myself at that difficult low time.  It also helped me to trust myself, knowing that I was going to make that important decision when not biased negatively, but from a more logical place in myself.

Important point. Make sure you dont make reactive decisions based on the mood of the moment. This equally applies to good and bad.

These are all so good!

Yes, I do have friends. They are mostly tired of hearing about it though. I think I have worn them out. 

I do need to get out and do things for myself more, and have some more alone time. I did that yesterday though, and I almost feel worse today.  I am in a downswing of PTSD at the moment. Some triggers came up for me over the weekend, and I am having a hard time snapping out of it.  I feel like I am in need of my own validation at this point. It would  be nice if he could validate how much his cheating hurt me, that he has remorse, and that he has discontinued the other relationships. But I guess that's asking for too much.

Thanks for your ideas! At least the weather is getting better!