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We dated for about a year and a half, and decided to move in together alog with my sweet aging mother. and about 6-9 months of living together, the negative qualities abruptly emerged.  Our whole connection and vibe changed, and now we can not discuss any topic without him instantly becoming so defensive, projecting alot of his issues on me.  It has caused severe insomnia, it has completley left me feeling off balance and because i refuse to engage in a conversation that is so unhealthy he has shut down, and goes for weeks without saying a single word.  We rarely go out to dinner or do any activities other than seperate things, like me cleaning the house, reading, or running errands, all while he is disinterested and is consumed by his own thoughts.  I suffer from depression, however, i feel i am consumed by anxiety, extra stress, which he will not acknowledge or validate in any way.  Our lease is until the end of the year, however, he must still take care of his financial obligations wheter he physically lives her or not.  This will make him furious when he learns this because he is the tightest person i have ever dealt with.  He hasnt contributed at all with groceries, and was contributing a small share for 9 months before that.  I just need to know how to deal with the situation if he remains here... and if does leave, well that will be his choice.  Its hard to live like this and i want to make sure i recover from all of this so that my future is not hed back because of his actions and behavior.  I feel bad that my Mom is here to because she is cordial to him but it does cause her unneeded stress and worry... .please... .share your thoughts !

I am so sorry for all you're going through   You are not alone. We've all faced similar challenges dealing with someone with BPD traits. But there is hope of living in harmony with some understanding.

Have you read the lessons to the right of the screen? That is the best place to start understanding what you are dealing with as well as your role in the relationship.

You talk about trying to work out what he wants. But what do you want?

Will will probably have to decide this for yourself. Where your values and boundaries lie.

You can't live your life pending what someone else does.

You may have to construct the crossroads to force him to demonstrate which way he wants to go. But you will also have to be clear which direction you would like to head in

You say you are in the lease until December?

It is possible that although he is legally required to pay, that he may not fulfill this.

This is a long time.  Please consider your options here and what is possible and safest for you and your mom's physical and emotional needs.

You may want to give notice and mutually agree to release him from the lease or release both of you from the lease if he wants to leave.

This is the situation I am in right now.  He decided to leave, however, I did not choose to release him from the lease early because I needed to continue to jointly share rent for financial commitments we had decided earlier in the year that affected my income and my decision on those matters was dependent on us continuing out the lease.  He was not happy about this, felt trapped and potentially this could have been dangerous.  He also tried to trick me into signing him out of the lease. While I didn't have indication that he could be violent previously, him feeling trapped brought out a "new" side of him and the situation became quite distressing. Fortunately for me, he has since moved out and is continuing paying his share of the rent, but I never doubted he would as he is serious about his financial obligations and his credit histories.

wow I agree with the previous person you must look out for your safety when there is violence ... . however it sounds like he may have used you for a place to dwell and to get a handout it also sounds like he's not willing to contribute... . believe me your troubles will only grow and your emotional state will be in jeopardy ... .

my wife has BPD and it has been a struggle emotionally and physically but I'm learning the skills I need to cope. But the one thing for you remember you are not married to him so I suggest cutting your losses and move on... .

despr8