BPDFamily.com

My wife is a uNPD.  For the past 7 years, after my mother came and help took care of my first born daughter for a year, we have not able to spend a mother's day with my mother.  My wife simply refused to and if I should dare to suggest to take my kids to visit my mother (3 hours away), she said she will call the cops.  My wife's mother is nearby, we see her almost every week and sometimes a few times a week, and for some reason, she often has excuses how busy her life (among other things) so an advance request has to be put in to ask for any help with kids (as you all know, having 3 kids is hard to do).  I end up picking up all the responsibilities and it is fine with me, but then my wife insults me on a flex arrangement we had after we had the first child.  She does it in front of my kids.  And my wife turns around and accuse me blocking her mother coming to visit and help, and that justifying that is why we can not visit my mother.  Meanwhile we have spent days (7 to 10 days) together with her mom, blowing >$10k on trips to be with her family every year.   Anyway, long story short, I bend over backward and she aggressively cutting my family out of my kids' lives.  To give an example, after spending $10k and 10 days at California with her family (keep in mind I have a sister in cali too and of the past 4 years (4 trips to cali) that we went, she only allowed once and for an overnight visit to my sister, that is after much plead), we return that time and I asked to visit my other sister's family and my mother (only three hours away) in a couple month (planning ahead).  She refused and flew into a rage.  She left home to pick her mother from the airport that day while I baby sat my other 2 kids.  6 hours later, cops came arrested me for strangling her.  I asked the cop what do they mean, they said she went to the station and showed them a red mark around her neck, and this is after 4 plus hours she left the house.  The irony is that she gets physical when she gets into rage that time and bumped on my lips and caused a wound.  The police saw it and asked me if she was the one who caused, I said yes an so she was also arrested.  Needless to say, that red mark was no where to be found later … it was some temporary mark just long enough for her to file a report against me.  For all I know it could form her mother, because they spent  hours together before she headed to the police station.  This year, mother's day is coming around again.  I started asking and try to make a deal.  For the past 7 years, we took her mother out with my kids, gave her presents and took pictures … meanwhile, her and her mother never even mentioned about my mother during the meal time … not even once for the past 7 years.  Keep in mind, I suspect her mother may have NPD too … they are very alike.  I am stuck… I am thinking about bolting and just go visit my mother by myself every year.  But I am afraid of her rage that could come after that and I feel like I have to be around my kids with two NPDs … it is really unhealthy for my kids and I need to neutralize any potential brain washing.  My daughter is already confused by many of my wife's gas lighting and projection actions and statements.  It is going to be a tough day for me this Mother's day … I don't have any solution and I feel like I failed as a human being.  I only have myself to blame … I feel like I can make a change, but at the same time, I feel that I can't.  I am all alone in this and I am not really getting any support from anyone…  I am just so tired of living in a bizarro world everyday. Holidays are in particularly tough.   This mother's day is going to be tough again… I feel like a complete failure when the holidays comes near.