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I was telling my pwBPD something about one of my male friends. He tells me that said friend is a loser. This person is in fact one of my closest friends. I tell him that I can talk to said friend and he's always willing to listen.

He responds 'oh so he's someone you can b**** and whine to on a regular basis instead of actually doing something. That's all you do, b**** and whine to other people. '

Said friend has been my ultimate support in terms of my anxiety. He's pulled me up from the rubble of my own depression so many times now that I am eternally grateful.

But I imagine my pwBPD is jealous in some way. We used to have these conversations online when we first started aandriends. I put a lot of effort into not letting that communication die out, but he is so critical of everything I say that sometimes it's harder than it should be.

I can't stand it when he puts me down or chastises me in front of other people or in public.

It doesn't happen that often, believe me, but he doesn't see himself doing anything wrong and accuses me of just whining.

I've walked away from conversations like that before. I'm walking away from him more often than ever before. I'll ask him to stop once, then leave. He'll taunt me with 'go Boohoo and pout.'

The arguments are shorter in time though. If it's a serious issue, then I'll bring it up. If it's not worth it, then we move on.

I follow that 5 positive interactions to every negative rule. And that very limit makes it possible because we spend more time communicating productively than not.

With criticisms though... .I can only imagine how much harder he must be on himself.

I honestly don't really know how to make it any better. We're very close and intimate quite often and he tends to open up more often than ever but I really wish I could limit my exposure to the negative as well.

Hi misuniadziubek,


not unlikely. Have you validated his jealousy?

And considering your post title "Trying so hard to maintain positive communication" how are you doing on validating negative things?

Validating his jealousy was near impossible in the situation. He started going off on how I'm obviously a 'weak person' and need other people and as long as I'm weak like that I'll never get up off my butt and do anything with myself. It became volatile.  He was actively negating all the compassion I have towards myself.

My friends are my lifeline. I've been in near suicidal situations where that particular friend talked me down. The irony is, he has a friend just like that. He might not talk to him as often, but he definitely reached out to him in crisis. This was before I knew him.

So no. I didn't validate his jealousy. I gave up, asked him to stop, he refused, so I walked away.

In terms of negative situations, I have become better at validating them. My biggest block has always been the fact that when he starts to get angry or verbally taunt me, I lock up emotionally. I can't see past the situation, I dissociate and numb out. I have slowly started to work on that so yesterday in the most tense situation, I actually stayed in the moment. I calmed myself enough to start to validate him. He instantly softened up and started to say that he doesn't want to fight.

So of recent it's 40% successful validation to 60% setting limits.