BPDFamily.com

I thought I should write down my thoughts and feelings in an email as it seems anytime we talk by text it escalates into a fight and that is not what I want. I don’t want to fight with you. I don’t want to fight with the person I love and want to spend my life with.

Until recently you said you wanted the same thing but now you say you do not want me at all other than as a friend. I am sorry I cant do only friends I want you as much more than that. Is this just a test that I am failing? I don’t know. What I do know is I want you in my life more than just a friend.

You are breaking my heart into millions of pieces by walking away from us and saying we have no future together. I have been spending the last week, or weeks even thinking about everything we have gone through and all the times I have put my feelings aside to accommodate you and your change. I don’t know if I am the seagull or the rock in the waves. The seagull can fly away the rock is stuck. Does the seagull fly away to a nicer beach or does it keep returning to the same one?

I know you are scared of being with me, of being with anyone and I can see that. I understand that is partly the reason you are pushing me away in the ways you have been. The inner monsters we distract from are not nearly as dangerous as the monsters we create to avoid them. As children, our defences and distraction techniques saved us, but, as adults, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I feel this is what is currently happening. I am aware of the buttons you push in me and I am taking a step back from them.

I love you with all my heart and recently I know I have not been strong enough for you. Perhaps I have been strong enough but it’s still not enough for you. I have been willing to give you everything you wanted but it turns out even when you get everything you want its still not enough or what you want changes. Is there a pattern to this?

I don’t know how to help you and even if I knew exactly how to help you it is meaningless until you want to help yourself. I hope you go to India and come back the person you want to be. I hope you can see the way you fit into my life in the way I can see me fitting into yours. If you want to be a different person I hope that you find out who that is and come back that woman even if you are a stranger to me know that I still love you. I still love you now and you have become a stranger over the last few weeks and months.

I can see you have a good heart under the layers of games that are going on and that is what I love about you. I don’t need a response to this email I just need you to know and understand that I will always love you. I have loved you since I have met you. I will continue to love you even after you are gone. I am sorry you did not feel I was enough.

I love you and I wish you enough.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye.

All my love. D & V Forever.

xx

I sent it. I guess it is over with the reply I got.

I wish we could talk about this in person.

But as you are not up for that I will try to explain what's going on for me.

I don't want to try to fill my father gap with a partner. I have done that for too long.

I can't get that kind of love from a partner.

That is fine and I have time to work with that.

I am sorry I jumped so quickly from one relationship to another and that I didn't realise what I have been trying to do before you got hurt.

I'm still content with my desision and I am happy things are unfolding and making more sense. Now I'm not trying to fill the hole with anyone it can heal.

I'm sorry your hurting and thank you for your warmth friendship and support.

You have been a wonderful partner x

Dear hopeforlove,

sounds like you both were not getting from the relationship what you were looking for. And from the response you got you partner was not ready for the level you were looking for. Both sides probably believed differently for a while.

This must be a sad and painful time for you  .

How are you doing?