BPDFamily.com

I'll keep saying it. I am soo glad I found this place. It very likely saved me another recycle, has been helping me recover but most importantly I'm learning and learning a lot! My BPDx told me 3 months into the relationship that she was "Broken." She then went on to tell me about her diagnosis, BPD and much of the emotional, sexual and physical abuse as well as neglect she experienced. At that time I was at peak infatuation and instead of running I was intensely touched with compassion. The co-dependent in me was going to help her and fix her. I also didnt know... .what I didnt know. Triangulation for instance. It was done to me all the time! But I didnt know that's what it was called and either because of weak boundaries or because certain things dont bother me much I brushed it off. What did bother me and drove me insane was her cheating. After our first B/U and make up something changed.

I went from being her most "intense and satisfying lover" to Elmer Fudd.

It didnt matter if it was twice a day or everyday, sexually she could not be satisfied or content. I tried lotions, potions, pills, herbs even went as far as checking my testosterone levels cause she kept trying to insinuate it was me. As a male, I of course took this very personally and her emasculation just got grittier and more insulting. I now know and understand that it wasn't about me. In her kookie mind she was laying down her foundation to cheat and justify it using me as the scapegoat. Eventually the cheating was blatant.

I now see that Triangulation was a deal breaker for many of you, but did any of you experience or find that your BPDx was intensely hyper-sexual?

I found a great link which gave me repreve. It is right below and as a courtesy also copied and pasted the clinical abstract.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3071095/

"According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, various forms of impulsivity are associated with borderline personality disorder, including sexual impulsivity. The existing empirical literature indicates that patients with borderline personality disorder appear to differ from patients without this personality disorder in a number of relevant ways. Specifically, those with borderline personality disorder are more likely to exhibit greater sexual preoccupation, have earlier sexual exposure, engage in casual sexual relationships, report a greater number of different sexual partners as well as promiscuity, and engage in homosexual experiences. In addition, patients with borderline personality disorder appear to be characterized by a greater number of high-risk sexual behaviors; a higher likelihood of having been coerced to have sex, experiencing date rape, or being raped by a stranger; and the contraction of more sexually transmitted diseases. Overall, the psychological themes relating to sexual behavior in borderline personality disorder appear to be characterized by impulsivity and victimization. We discuss the potential implications of these findings for clinicians in mental health and primary care settings."

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3071095/

My ex wasn't especially hyper sexual, but she did think that was her only real value, so valuable in fact that she thought a blow job could make all of the other behaviors not only tolerable but acceptable, and that all came out of an inability to truly connect and a lack of awareness of that inability.  Sad that.

So dagwood, I know what the emasculation can do to a man's mojo.  How are you doing with that now, and what are you doing to make it better?

FHH: Many aspects of the overall "me" are doing better. My health, blood pressure, emotions, feelings and due to sheer ignorance on my part many of her behaviors that I used to believe were caused by me I now understand that while I may have helped trigger them I was not responsible. This article I came across. One more nail in the coffin and one less item or issue that I can rest easy about. The woman was a Classic Nympho and unfortunately I see her entire identity revolved and around her sexuality. Thanx for asking.