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Are you thinking about your Ex today?  Lets be totally honest.  Why?

Give it deep thought, and reveal the real reason they are in your mind.

eg. Lonliness, Anger, Happiness etc.  Lets avoid the visions of heavenlyness (that is often my favorite vision of her), and give a description too.  :-)

Force of habit, loneliness, free-time.

Honestly I sometimes look at her profile only b/c it's a habit, one that I'm trying to lose.

Plus I'll probably see her in 3 weeks at a concert so she IS on my mind... .the chance to see her just this once... .I don't know what'll happen but I want to find out... .

Grief and fear of life without her

Sure, every day somehow. Not as much as the first few months, but sometimes still think about her during the day, yes. Why? Don't know, force of habit I guess and sometimes when I'm doing stuff I'm thinking: meh, would've liked to do that with her.

But often also thinking: man, what a total c*** she was, if I would do this or that, I would get into trouble. So its a double edged sword.

Sorry, I didn't write this thread to get anyone upset.  I'm sure if it were, you were already thinking about your ex.

Force of habit seems to be a consensus.  I agree. For 4 years, I replaced EVERYTHING (almost) with HER and what we did together, and what she did.

I'm a movie nut, and recite a lot of lines and jokes etc.  I can do a decent quick impression of rodney dangerfield, so I know I gave her a lot of lines and funnies that were my life.  As silly as it may be, those good times were often things that we laughed about together. Yes, there were a lot of good times, but the LOT of good times might have just been an afternoon or evening here and there.  Just one good time was enough to sort of cover a large period of time. Gee I miss her so dearly.  If she would only come to clearity for just 5 minutes and see what she had and what she threw away, well, who knows.

So during the day if I get the urge to say a funny line to my son or someone, I actually hesitate, because I know it might trigger me. The things we did were no longer the things I did.  So after this horrible B/U, I'm left with Her and Ours. No longer Mine.  So I lost how to be me.

This morning I layed in bed thinking, and praying.  Something came to me. It's something so obvious and you will agree that hearing it outright is so straight forward and obvious... .but when you think a little deeper, it makes all the sense in the world. It is an answer in a sense.

The phrase is:  MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

Think about it.  If you can just focus on YOU and your immediate business, not all the crap handed to you and not the jones down the street and not the new store opening up in town.  Just your self and focus on you!  Think how we would not even think about the grief that BPD has caused us.  Of course it's not a perfect plan, and needs adjustment inside each individual, but to mind ones own business is almost comforting.  What are  your thoughts?

I agree with the MYOB mindset.

I had to shutdown completely.  No social media.  No friends.  No anything.  It was nearly unbearable.

But you have to crawl through despair before you can get upright again.  It has taken me 10 months.

I'm not the same person I was before.  I will no longer allow myself to be a doormat, or let anyone take advantage of me.  i have fun saying "no" to people who want something from me without ever giving back in return.

And, I thought I'd never get here, but I want zilch to do with those who wronged me.

No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Deal with it, ladies!

Good for you Mr.Downtrodden, I agree!  Doormats should NOT have pulses!

10 months is a good period of time.  2 months for me is as well.  I don't think you need to apologize to the ladies, at least not the good ones that appreciate good men for exactly who they are.  I'm waiting for mine, I have no doubt she is out there... .maybe it is my ex, maybe she will get help and want me back.  It's like the lottery... .ya never know!

Dying... .your ex might want you back but remember it is for their needs not ours. I'm starting to realize that, it's taken me three months.

I was lucky she never cheated on me in our two year relationship but we had multiple break ups. However, once the relationship was over I was replaced within two weeks if not sooner.

In my case why would I want someone who moved on from her forever love, as she called me, to someone else so soon? Sure I miss who I thought she was but the person she showed herself to be to me and my kids at the end of the relationship is more true of who she is.

Besides now I don't have to sweep up all the eggshells every night that I was walking on!

Just today I did. I'm dating a girl now, today I slept with her. Later this day I had a meeting with a friend and we used to talk about relationships. He's going to get married to his gf so he's very excited about it. It reminded me of the girl I'm dating now and I really did compare her to my BPDex and I realized how pathetic and evil she is. I still can't believe I used to be her bf.

But that's it really, those are the only kind of thoughts I have about her if I have them. The last couple days I really forgot about her, it's like she doesn't exist anymore. She isn't worth it, I decided to move on and erase her from my life. That's the reason why I think this way.

WOW that is a great post UserName69!  I'm happy for you. There is hope!

Nope. Thinking about me. Again! And what this relationship has shown me about myself. Looking back now it's funny how I thought I had everyone and everything so together. I feel like cuddling my old self and tousling my hair. Poor dear really really tried to make everyone happy to the expense of self. I forgive myself for that and for desperately trying to cling onto a relationship that was plain wrong in the first place. I'm excited to see what the death of my relationship will make space for now, my ability to love well is much larger now :)

Very well put Trog.  It's good that you have forgiven yourself. We must love and nurture ourselves.  I'm am putting myself in a new light. One of taking care of me. I've been lost in what has been LONG ENOUGH.  I know if I stay in that thinking, I'll never break free until I make the decision to do so.  I love myself too. I care about myself too. Time to heal and live again... .right?   

I think of her every minute. I miss her so much. I would gladly give ten years of my life for only another minute with her. It just wasn't meant to be. Maybe it's better this way. I am lonely, but at least I'm safe. But I do think a lot about her and what her life is right now.

Me too. I have accepted that I am still in the relationship to some extent. I know that is what normal attachment is about, that once we are in we are there to stay. My mind is keeping the attachment alive, even while I am gradually disentangling myself from it.

I think also that many of us none are problem solvers. We think about problems, analyze them and want to apply our solutions. It is tough for us to feel so terrible, to feel this breach in such an important relationship, and not be able to talk to our partners about it, not be able to solve the problem. Maybe it drives us a little crazy to be so helpless over something so crucial to us, the securing of our major relationship.

I am trying to just give up. I have done so on a rational level, but as many others have pointed out in posts on these boards, the heart takes a while to catch up.