BPDFamily.com

Since we reached an agreement last week, ex has invited me to the park, asked me how he could get into the school I am  going to, asked me if he could take the CPR class I did, asked me legal advice about him moving out of his dads, sent me a pic of an apartment he looked at, asked my opinion , and then tonight he ran into daughter and I at ice cream shop, and then texted me" good job with everythinglately, I know I haven't made it easy, daughter looked cute as always" oh and he asked me to keep daughter longer tomorrow because he has an appointment. And he went to my moms work and asked her if she would babysit for him once he got a job, he actually texted me that he was asking my mom while he was in her work lol. I am boggled.

Well, reality hit after the mediation, so he has to back up and figure a few things out.

Be wary. Stick to your side of the agreement.

 rarsweet!  *Wow*    That, is AWESOME!  As always with BPD, I'd be wary, not to put all of the eggs in the basket so to speak but that is so promising.  :)o you know if he is in treatment and he has been diagnosed?  It sounds like maybe something clicked... .that is a very calm and thoughtful type of discussion and question asking.  Which doesn't particularly go with their mostly impulsive ways.  I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that this continues in a positive direction!

On my end a few hours ago undiagnosed BPD BFF sends me a text asking if I'm alright after I posted about my ups and downs this week with some physical issues.  She said we can maybe get together with our girls sometime in the next two days.  Maybe usually means no so I'm not holding my breathe, but I thought she wasn't speaking to me so that's something.     I haven't however told my munchkin, as I don't want to get her hopes up as they've been let down too many times before.

I'm wondering rarsweet, if you don't mind me asking, how old is your daughter?  Mine is 4.5 years old and my BFF's is 3.  I know how much my BFF loves my daughter, and our daughters both call us their aunts.  With her splitting and transference though she sometimes pushes me away and sometimes simply doesn't show up when she makes plans with us.  I worry about how this effects my daughter, and that she may not want to make friends in the future thinking that they'll just leave her since when BFF pushes me away she takes daughter with her.

Has your ex's BPD effected your daughter negatively and what does she understand about it?  Whenever we hang out with BFF and she's snapping about little inconsequential things I always whisper to my daughter ASAP you didn't do anything wrong, it's ok and distract her to avoid tears which usually makes BFF more upset.  Other than that though I've never really explained BPD to her since she's only 4.5 I think it might be tough to understand.

As for BFF's daughter I feel for her... .my understanding is that one of the greatest factors in possibly developing BPD later in life is an invalidating environment as a child; the example I always see is a child cries and the parent's reaction doesn't match. They don't ask why are you said, or say it will be ok.  My BFF's reaction is to yell, a lot, until she stops.  Last time it happened in front of me she grabbed her daughter's arm, causing her daughter to cry even more because she said her arm hurt.  She is with her mom about 4 days a week and with her father about 4 days.  I'm pretty sure that her father is undiagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  They are going through a divorce now and I worry for the little one with her being in the middle of all of this.  I'm also pretty sure that BFF's mom is also undiagnosed Borderline, possibly one sibling as well.  I've been wanting to discuss BPD with BFF not just or her sake, but for her entire family and most of all for her daughter.  If she knew that her behavior could have any ill effect to bring about the hurt/pain she feels on her daughter in the future, I know she would want to do anything to work on that.

Love to hear your thoughts and any advice would be great!  Thanks in advance!