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Bpdexgf and I broke up over two years ago.

We were never nc but extremely lc.  within a few months of the breakup I made it very clear that I was done for good. She finally stopped trying... Probably about a year and a half ago. We haven't seen each other since the breakup.

And now she suddenly has texted me every day for four days. Like we are best friends and have been in touch this whole time. She's also posting odd stuff on social media. I am in a tizzy. I don't want her in my life regularly and I don't understand how she reappeared and why I'm even feeling the need to answer her. And why I'm still trying to keep her attention on some level.I just keep hoping she gets out of whatever phase this is and stops with the constant texts.

Has this happened to anyone? Advice? I was doing so well. I've really put ,y life back together and it feels like now that she knows that, she snapped and wants me under her thumb again.

Do you have a list of all the crappy things she did to you and how you felt? If so, now would be the time to revisit that list.

I would suggest either NC or a quick note saying that you do not wish to have any contact and then block for awhile.

I think it's a little easier to have "selective memory" after some time has passed.

hey purpleavocado, im sorry youre going through this.

probably feels a bit like a whirlwind, coming into your life, mostly out, and then suddenly, rapidly back in.

"I don't understand how she reappeared and why I'm even feeling the need to answer her. And why I'm still trying to keep her attention on some level."

you may not understand it yet, but youre probably the only person who knows why. so try to reframe and then answer that: why are you feeling the need to answer her? why are you trying to keep her attention?

its at odds with:

"I just keep hoping she gets out of whatever phase this is and stops with the constant texts."

and "I don't want her in my life regularly"

youre the only one you can control here, and so far your actions have not achieved the expressed desired goal. what is your desired goal? what are you getting out of whatever phase this is?

Thank you both... .

I am just frustrated. My life is so calm without her. And she is "behaving" in her contact with me, although my physical reaction tells me that it isn't right to be in regular contact. I just want to move on but I can't do that while she's pretending to be normal and I'm obliging her.

Hey purple avocado, My suggestion: don't pretend.  Be authentic and tell her its over.  Listen to your gut feelings.  Think from the neck down, which is what you are doing:


Don't sugarcoat it.  Set up a Boundary that meets your needs.  By responding, you are only encouraging her to proceed with some form of manipulation, i.e., F-O-G.  Has she guilt-tripped you, claimed you owe her, love-bombed you, or otherwise tried to yank your chain?  Of course she has.

Don't fall for it, my friend.

LuckyJim

"I just want to move on but I can't do that while she's pretending to be normal and I'm obliging her."

purple,

I don't understand your delimma here. You're in control of this, so why are you entertaining her contact? She is unhealthy, so, as the healthy party, it is up to you to make the healthy decisions and take the likewise healthy actions to rectify this situation.