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Long distance uBPDgf got mad and said we should just talk later, said we were once again unable to communicate when I asked where an event occurred that she was sharing about. Should have just let her go, but I said "because I asked where this occurred?" "That wasn't the point, you missed the point." "I completely got the point, I was asking a question." "Just forget it, I'll stop sharing." "You don't feel understood. If you feel it's best to end the conversation for now, I respect that." "We should end things. Period."

And she blocks me.

I do see how I was defensive and said the wrong thing. She's only done this once before, a long time ago, so I certainly didn't think this would be the consequence.

Yesterday, I did the "letting her go when she wants to go, and letting her be the one to come back" thing. Seemed to go well. Now she's escalating because of the power shift. I'm not chasing her this time.

She only said we should end it after I told her I was fine with ending the conversation... .

It's still stressful. I feel sad that I'm with someone who I have to worry will get mad because I show interest in a conversation. I knew she might get mad, too... .but then she's gotten really mad when I haven't said what I thought because I was afraid of her response. You can't win. I've been careful since I got advice in my last thread.

I have been on your shoes so many times... .

What she is doing is what we use to call 'silent treatment': when they want to punish someone because somehow their expectatives are frustrated. Most of the times, is a unproportional reaction to make us realize they have the 'control': they talk WHEN they want and until then, they let us in darkness, without knowing if the silent treatment is just temporary or if this will be the end. Is their way to scare and manipulate us, giving us fear of breaking the relationship.

I am on this situation right now. I also have a long distance relationship (I'm Brazilian, he's French) and since a very stupid discussion this week (he thought since I took less than hour and a half to answer his messages I would **obviously** doing something hidden). No way to explain, He overreacted and started to be very agressive telling me I was a lier, a witch, a b**tch and asking me to shut up. Finally, he blocked me everywhere.

I can deal with discussions, but the silent treatment for me is the worst of all ways they find to hurt us. It's psychological torture. I check my mails from 5 to 5 minutes waiting an answer. I bought the tickets to visit him on 31/july and I cry only by thinking in cancelling it.

Other times, I think about act as him: cancel the tickets, erase all my internet accounts (my BPD bf, when blocks me, stalks me as he can, checking my friends profiles, conferring which pictures I like etc). They do that because they know they have the control and we will be available when their crisis be over. Sometimes I think if we reverse the situation and let them realize WE can have the control and leave them, maybe they will stop for a while (or at least think twice before impose such humiliating treatment)

How long is the distance between you and your gf?

About 2,000 miles, but same country. We met for the first time this year. I didn't know if we would actually meet until the first day I was there. I wanted to visit again, but if she bails, I won't be up for a vacation alone like I could have managed last time... .

I agree with everything you said. I have lost track of how many times she has ended the relationship, but like I said, in almost two years, this is only the second time she had completely blocked me. I am to the point where part of me knows I would be better off if she just didn't come back. I don't think that will happen though. We have SUCH good communication, even in conflict... .and then this.

I know this is all typical. And yes, the silent treatment is the worst for me, too. She knows I alter my behavior when I'm scared someone will leave. On some level, she knows what she is doing, even though I know it's the BPD that makes her act on it. We just exchanged gifts a week ago, without even realizing the other was doing it. Sigh.