BPDFamily.com

I am 35weeks pregnant and am at a loss for words.

my husband has started a new job and his stress levels has sky rocketed these last 3 months. Initially everything seemed to have been okay. But now his job has become so demanding. Plus my own hormones has been taking its toll on our marriage as I had to deal with both pregnancy hormones and depression.

My husband has completely shut down. He doesnt have time for anything but work. Im nearing the end of my pregnancy and im still doing grocery shopping cos I have to eat. He is not interested in doing anything. Nor interested in helping me with anything. Cept to sit in front of the tv and staring into it as if he is staring into space.

He sleeps in the spare room since the beginning of the pregn. Theres no intimacy. And hes expressed that he feels nothing.

Im suspecting he is in a withdrawal cycle. But sorry to say this WHAT CRAP TIMING!

I feel unsupported and alone.

Just feeling really disappointed in all of this. And more. Im angry. Not at him. But myself. For thinking and trusting that everything was now okay. For actually loving him and forgetting that his season of sweetness would only be a temporary thing.

Heres my biggest issue.

1. How do i protect my baby from his unpredictable moods and lack of interest in everything. I fear he will ignore and neglect baby once shes here.

2. I dont want him to be a part of the birth at all nor do i want him to visit me in hospital. How can i ask him to stay away.

3. I want to run away with my baby and not expect anything from him.

4. I just want to be alone with my baby.

Is this kind of thinking wrong? i mean. Its not like he shows interest in any way. I want to be able to live as if hes not around.

This is really sad to read. Do you have anybody else who can support you other than him? You should try to surround yourself with those people if possible. You're pregnant and you are therefore more important than any reason why he may be acting this way. Is there anything positive about the relationship thats making you stay or are you hoping that things will improve? This must be so hard. Sending hugs.

Oh wishful, my heart goes out to you. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I know he has a new job, but it seems like there is something he is not telling you. will he go to therapy? please let us know how you are doing tonight

Thank you RoseB and Willemina

Today im hurting and so much want to burst out in tears but i dont want to upset my baby. I know its a stupid thing to say. But id rather just try and numb the pain.

We text each other as opposed to talking and in his text he mentions that he doesnt feel anything. No emotion. He wants to work through this on his own and he needs me to back off.

Coming out of a time that was sweet and loving to facing this is heartbreaking.

I have my church which was tremendous in helping us initially. My husband now refuses to go to church and to speak to anyone. Hes asked me not to tell anyone of this either. And will see it as betrayal if i talk to someone. He refuses therapy.

Why am i staying? Cant think of this right now. Im just hurting too much right now.

If you mean that your husband would not want you to get therapy yourself or talk to a friend about your struggles, then he has made an unreasonable request that is extremely hurtful to you. He has no right whatsoever to guilt trip you due to his own pride. Nuh uh, no, not okay.

Your baby is gonna be just fine if you cry. This is an awful situation. I cannot imagine the pain you are dealing with right now, Wishful. I encourage you to find a safe way to let it out. Posting here is an excellent first step.

Could it be time for an ultimatum? You would move out unless he seeks professional help? Because it does sound like he is in serious need of professional help. He may be experiencing severe clinical depression of some sort. When I had depression, I could not feel any emotions either. It is a horrible mental illness to live with, for the afflicted and their loved ones.

Are you still attending your church on your own?

You have every right to talk to others and seek help with this matter. Seeking help is NOT betrayal. He doesn't want you to talk about it with others because of his own shame.

How long has it been since you reviewed some of the lessons? The one about surviving confrontation and disrespect might have some helpful information for you. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913191#msg913191

 

oh my. Reading your story that feels so similar to mine is so devastating. I am so sorry you are living through this. My husband did basically the same thing... .for the whole of my pregnancy with our third child. When I was 36 weeks I got a protection from abuse order because he could not stop from physically assaulting me and threatening our eight year old daughter. I had our baby two weeks later and although he was welcome to the birth he did not stand by me at all. I would say that for your emotional well being, right now, allow yourself to feel all the sadness you do. But find someone who can be there for you all the time. Every hour of the day and night. Right now you need the support.

When our child was three weeks old my husband was arrested for assault.

And because I called the police it was I who betrayed him.

As a mama, you should feel your pain, all of it. And I understand so completely your sadness that he is not there for you. With my own husband it was like a switch- one day he was walking in the door and sweeping me up in a big hug, the next he was spitting with rage. It's so hard.

If you want to talk more, message me.

Thank you for your responses

I managed to go over those lessons again and i need to brush up again on this.

After reading your replies i felt compelled to go and talk to someone tonight - which I did. And the amount of wisdom that came from it was really great.

Ive managed to actually see some disturbing things on my husbands phone history which leaves me with another blow. i think he is having an emotional affair again of some sort. I was unable to see who it is with though. So yeah. There we go again.

This really sucks. And i have no idea how to confront him without him accusing me of lying and who knows what else. The same old same old. Will read a few lessons and see how i will take this one on.

Im unable to sleep. Its 02h30 now. And need to prepare for work in 3hours time.

Hes having an affair.