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Title: Seven years with BPD spouse; just figured it out Post by: Earlwind on June 28, 2015, 07:43:52 PM I've been desperately searching for an answer that would explain all the nonsense and drama my husband has put me through. I'm very technically-minded and thought needed the answ and, so I could start fixing the problems. Now, I'm shocked to be so sure it's BPD. I feel stuck now; don't have a good plan for my future.
I'm hoping to gain insight and strength from this site. Thanks, in advance. Title: Re: Seven years with BPD spouse; just figured it out Post by: rob95 on June 28, 2015, 08:05:00 PM Welcome to the club. Married to BPD for 14 years with three kids and only two months in since realizing it.
I have dealt with it all... .abuse, crazy making, silent treatments, raging, protecting the kids, etc, etc etc... . If you want to stick it out, my advice is to take care of yourself... . seriously, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. I would recommend two things: 1. Get therapy. You will need to build yourself back up and stop being a caretaker for your partner (who can take care of themselves, they just don't want you to think that). 2. Get a hobby that is is apart from your partner. You need your own thing that is yours and yours alone. It gives you identity and confidence, which is supremely critical, because if you are staying with a BPD partner, self-identity is critical. My two cents... it has done wonders for me in a short amount of time. rd Title: Re: Seven years with BPD spouse; just figured it out Post by: joeramabeme on June 28, 2015, 09:20:02 PM I've been desperately searching for an answer that would explain all the nonsense and drama my husband has put me through. I'm very technically-minded and thought needed the answ and, so I could start fixing the problems. Now, I'm shocked to be so sure it's BPD. I feel stuck now; don't have a good plan for my future. I'm hoping to gain insight and strength from this site. Thanks, in advance. Earlwind, I was married for 10 years before I found out. I went to a number of therapists and was even in marriage counseling for 3+ years and none of them named BPD. In fact, I have since been back to the marriage therapist for 1-1 "debriefing" and she still doesn't get it. It has been about 3 months since I have been visiting this site and still feel like I get daily insights as I rewind the years with my newfound knowledge. This may sound passive, but spend time here reading and posting. As I have read other stories/posts I have had many moments of relief with identification, sadness that it all went on for so long and spiraled so far out of control, anger that it has happened, depression not knowing what to do and helplessness to change her. Your plans for the future are likely to include gaining a knowledge of yourself. What you do with this knowledge will begin to shape the answer to your question about your future. Joe |