BPDFamily.com

ok so im in a rather happy relationship with a girl with BPD and i can say i think we both love eachother very much. her family is in love with me and mine love her too. we both have been through alot together and fit in so well with one another and we dont live together but we may as well cause we are nearly always together. But sometimes through little things she well get very upset(like me having to go away for school) and alot of the times try to breakup with me and ill ask why and most of the time she says idk(sometimes she says she has to breakup with me before i breakup with her because she cant take that) and it ends, at first i thought it was just because of her BPD and her having an angry outburst and maybe not really meaning it. but it happens quite frequently( atleast once a week) and just as of recent it seemed like she got more serious, i try to get her to talk about her feelings more but she seems to not want to, im usually calm at the beginning of an argument and try to end it before it becomes anything big but if it persists  and i get displeased then she trys to comfort me, say sorry and give me a bunch of kisses. what i really want to know is if what im doing is right?frequently when she trys to breakup i just answer with an abrupt no because i sometimes feel it isnt justified(if that the right word for it) but is that my call to make? do i have the right to stop her from breaking up with me? after it happens and we end up both being happy in the next hour day or week i feel what i did was right but it does take a toll on me since i feel like im trapping her, am i right here? should i continue? am i wrong? should i let her break up with me? WHAT DO I DO? please help me out some one(do ask questions though i think i may have forgotten somethings), i really do love her. 

Welcome to the BPD breakup dance. I'm new here but i'll offer my opinion of 2 years with a pwBPD. What you should say to her is "ok I agree, if you ever change your mind give me a call"   then DO NOT contact her, when she makes attempts to "put you in her orbit" by texting or contacting you with anything all you have to do is acknowledge it & say hey let's meet up and do such and such... .ALWAYS make plans when she puts you in her orbit. Mine was not able to go 2-4 days without seeing me and then she will get back together with you. When you see her hang out, have fun, hook up.

ok that seems a little better then what i am doing but before our relationship she was a bit promiscuous and is still very close to a friend who still makes advances at her and her ex, she also would look towards sex and drugs to escape emotional pain and discomfort. so by agreeing and failing to contact do i put her in danger of hurting herself (when her ex broke up with her she attempted suicide which is one of the reason she says she has to breakup with me first cause she likes me even more then she did him) and is there a chance she will have sex with someone else (this may seem selfish but im a very jealous man and i dont know if i could take that)

Ultimately this is what made me snap even though it was just her flirting with other men over the phone (secret emails) majority of the time. Id see how long she can go without putting herself in your orbit. If she contacts you and refuses to meet up again just say ok well let me know when you are able to meet up. When you guys do hang out make sure to not be butt-hurt. Be a fun person. If she is having positive emotions around you more than other men she will do this torture to you less and less. Even if pwBPD freak out at getting too close you can't let jealously effect you or express that it would or she will ultimately use it as a weapon against you. Idk that's at least all I thought I could do... .