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Title: Friend with BPD girlfriend Post by: Iwilldecide on July 20, 2015, 09:52:59 PM So one of my boyfriend's best guy friend has a girl friend who is high functioning BPD. She goes through his phone and email on a daily basis and has been trying to use methods to alienate him from all his good friends and family. One night at dinner she picked a fight with me and it got ugly. She said something that she knew would deeply offend and hurt me given my views on a topic. Regardless because I became angry and yelled she has told him she will never be around me or my boyfriend again. Which is hard for her boyfriend who I care about. I do believe she is very jealous of me. Not to sound conceited but I am naturally very attractive and she had fake everything (hair, nails, tan, breasts, lips) it's almost clown like. So I don't know if this situation came be remedied but I do care about her boyfriend as my boyfriends best friend and also I don't like fighting with anyone. I have mentioned to him maybe I should reach out and apologize but my gut tells me there is probably nothing I can do because again she feels threatened by me and probably by the fact that her boyfriend genuinely likes me and cares about me as a friend. It's just major bummer. I'm sad because we used to have a lot of fun with him and I know my boyfriend really misses him too. Any advice on how I could rectify the situation? Also I did try apologizing immediately after the fight but she didn't respond to my texts. Do BPDs hold grudges forever?
Title: Re: Friend with BPD girlfriend Post by: sweetheart on July 23, 2015, 09:29:50 AM Hello Iwilldecide,
It's sounds like you did the best you could by texting an apology. For me that's sounds like enough for now. A simple 'I'm sorry you feel like that... ,' if she brings it up again validates her and then nothing more needs saying from you after that. Have you read around the lessons especially communication techniques for dealing with pwBPD? Here is a link for you, https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206. Take your time and read around the subject, if you want to spend time as a group and are good friends with her boyfriend there are ways of helping avoid conflict for you all that might help you maintain all your friendships. It might also help to involve your boyfriend in what you learn as this is also the girlfriend of his best friend. Do you think he is aware that there are some difficulties as well? Title: Re: Friend with BPD girlfriend Post by: waverider on July 24, 2015, 04:24:56 AM It really sucks, but there is little you can do, apart from letting him know you are open to talk about anything if he wants to.
Not reacting is the best you can do. As it only inflames it. |