BPDFamily.com

I am still living with my uBPDbf because we both own the house, I put $$$ down to buy it and he put nothing (bought furniture), and won't give me my money to leave without the courts.  I haven't ended the relationship and we went on a family vacation recently. In which he drank to excess one night and blew up at me at a restaurant with our kids present. He apologized to his 2 kids, not time my D9 and also blamed it all on me causing it.

Also, I have been trying to focus on myself (completed my first sprint triathlon), which led to a lot of nastiness. He was extrenmely mean and condescending. I haven't

After his blow up he stated he wanted to start new. I've heard this at least 3x before. It lasts about 3 months, but this time it lasted about 1 week.

This week I took my d9 to do things 3 days. I always leave notes saying where I am... .HE NEVER DOES! He went out to a bar for 4 hrs one night, next day lied to take day off then went golfing and out for 11hrs., took off for an hour yesterday and didn't say where he was going. Then today golf tournament for 12hrs. Then goes to our room and sits in dark on his cell phone and won't engage or have any conversation, or ask about what I did.

WHY DO I LOOK FOR THAT?

WHY DO I LET IT BOTHER ME/hurt?

HE IS A LIER, SELF-CENTERED, AND I FEEL BAD... .WHY?

Hi FigureIt, it sounds like your bf is blaming you for all the problems and then withdrawing from you at the same time. That hurts. Hugs to you. 

I see you're posting this on the leaving board. Are you planning to split up with your bf? Is the biggest obstacle the coownership of the house?

Yes I am planning on splitting up and yes the co-ownership of the house is the biggest obstacle. I have a d9 who lives with us from my previous marriage. My UBPDbf r fuses to leave and has threatened to destroy me. So, I'm getting financially stable so I ca deal with a battle, cuz I believe the minute I say I'm done he will get very nasty.

Ughhh, sorry to hear he's being so nasty about it. It sounds like it will be a struggle to get him out. It might be hard but not impossible, and it will probably be the best thing for you since you're planning to end the relationship. Good for you in planning ahead by getting your finances ready. It's often said that you need to be quiet and try not to let him know at all what you're planning or doing, that way he cannot sabotage what he doesn't know about.

You may find some good advice on the Family Law, divorce, and custody board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0) even though you're not married and your and his kids are not in a blended family.

Please be patient, take care of yourself, and plan your exit wisely. It's okay to feel guilty, yet you deserve the best, and kudos to you for taking the steps needed to live the good life you fully deserve!