BPDFamily.com

I met my now husband and it didn't take us long to fall in love. I think we both represented everything the other was missing in their life. My husband can be loving, supportive, and kind but... .He can also be selfish, ANGRY, emotionally abusive just to name a few. I am not sure how to describe the rollercoaster my life has been on since we fell in love. Almost instantly he showed signs of the disorder which made our relationship tumultuous at best but I stayed because there is so much good in him. I used to be a sunny, out going and a very loving women but after years of being with him I feel I don't know what that means anymore. I no longer know what happiness feels like. I am often depressed, confused, feeling alone, stressed and essentially miserable. I know he loves me and he tries but his behavior is starting to feel like it is too much. Now I have become the very person I never thought I would be, lashing out on other people. I am mad at the world because at home I feels so hopeless. I just can't go on without a some sense of help for ME. He is getting help and will get there eventually but in the meantime I am stuck... .

Let me just say you are in the right place, many of us could have written very similar introductions. Do you have anything that you do for yourself? You need something for you to keep your sanity in this kind of relationship. You also need to work on you outside of him working on him. It's very important that you try and find yourself again. I know I felt very lost when I first came on these boards several years ago. My marriage is not 100%, but I am happier as a person. There is hope for a better life! 

Tell us more about what you two struggle with.  It's best to dissect one problem at a time.

hi BtheChange7,

I understand what you are describing.   For a long time I felt like my partner was a black hole that I poured energy into, until I had nothing left.   

How are you feeling today?   

'ducks

Cloudys days I am so grateful that you took the time to respond to me. I am sorry for replying so late but I was overwhelmed with the site initially. I never came back but now that Skip reached out to me I feel alot more comfortable. Thanks for your advice!

Skip thank you again! It just feels great to have someone in my corner. Mostly we struggle with daily drama! The constant arguing, yelling and screaming. We do not have children, thank goodness. He was seeking help through the VA but he felt his psychologist wasn't interested in helping him because she would constantly cancel his sessions last minute. This discouraged him so he went back to trying to this on his own but this desire is always fleeting. Usually a few days go by and he simply has no desire to stay focused.

He gets angry alot about everything and he usually takes all his frustrations out on me. He constantly uses criticism to control me, is ultra sensitive whenever I try and speak with him about things I am concerned with. I was just feeling so low because the stress is starting to manifest itself in very physical ways. This man can be the most sweet and loving man, hard working, loyal, honest and supportive. In the same breathe he can be critical, angry, verbally abusive, negative, a bully and is always looking for a fight.

Hi Babyducks,

Today had been a low day but with each passing moment I am starting to feel hopeful. I was ready to give up and felt so hopeless after arguing all last night and most of the morning then Skip coincidentally reached out and that changed everything. I read some articles from the site and I realized I have to regain my life back and find something for me, seek out support when I need it and get empowered with all the tools that will help me cope with this. I know I can do it. I just allowed myself to get so overwhelmed with everything now I see there is help for me out there too! Thank you so much for checking on me. Any tools you can suggest that worked for you past/present? I would appreciate it:)