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Title: Long vacation Post by: pollywilson on August 24, 2015, 12:52:11 PM Hi,
Nice to meet you all. My name is Polly and I have been married to a person with BPD for 15 years. Lately, she has been threatening divorce as I can't make her "happy" because of my inability to communicate. However, I don't think its me. We went on a nightmare of a vacation last week and it really opened my eyes to how I can't fix what's "broken" in our marriage. When I told her that you can't "make" another person happy she argued that I could if I wanted to. But now that I'm reading more about BPD I don't think its me that's making her unhappy. I'm just the thing to pin these feelings on. Does that seem right to you all? Title: Re: Long vacation Post by: Wrongturn1 on August 24, 2015, 12:57:59 PM Welcome, Polly!
I would agree with you that it is not possible to "make" another person happy - we are all responsible for our own emotional states. Many people with BPD tend to blame their spouses for all their unhappiness. At various times, my uBPDw has blamed me for her unhappiness, and that's definitely not a fun feeling. So I sympathize with you. What leads you to suspect BPD, and what happened on the vacation? Title: Re: Long vacation Post by: Cloudy Days on August 24, 2015, 02:46:16 PM Yes, for the longest time I always thought it was me that was making my husband unhappy. I figured out after a lot of heartache and never feeling good enough that it has nothing to do with me. He is always going to find something that makes him unhappy, something to complain about someone to pin it on. And he's always going to have some sort of out of reach solution that will make everything better. Even if something is temporarily better it goes back to the way it was, and he is searching for a solution to that problem, even though there exists no solution.
Vacations are also pretty big triggers for pwBPD. You are in the right place, we welcome you! |