BPDFamily.com

Things were so nice this past weekend. With the help of people on this board I gained some insight and was able to squelch a blow up with some good communication. 

Today... .different story.  She brought up a sore subject (for her because I said  not a good idea rightnow)... .so I attempted to use  SET   I said    ... .I know you would like to move to a different house right now,  it feels like I don't care to you and I would feel the same way ifsomeone told me I couldn't do it right now... .but we really can't do it now because it's not the right time for the kids and not a great time for finances to make a move ... .not forever just rightnow.

then.  Kaboom  I am a liar  it's all my fault her life isn't the way she wants it. She could have everything she wants right now if she divorced.me and gets nothing if she stays with me so I'd better watch it... .etc etc  any other man would do it for her no other women earth would put up with me... .

I told her that if she wanted to talk about houses or other things in our future I refuse to talk aabout them if she is going to tell me that divorcing me is one of the options. We were supposed to be talking about our future together and it wasn't healthy conversation to include divorce as an option.

I left the house . My son had my car so I told her I was taking hers.( she has another car she could drive anyway- I got her a convertible a few years ago which she drives on nice days)

So  I guess I defined a boundary? And backed it up by walking out?

I just can't seem to keep my cool when she let's loose on me even though I know she can't help it sometimes and none of its true... .how do you muster the strength to not engage? I sure didn't have the strength to continue talking about anything today... .

You stated why you couldn't do it.  She was throwing a tantrum trying to scare you, especially using another man as the bait.  pwBPD want "fresh starts" as a way to get rid of the bad feelings inside of them.  My wife talks about moving, travelling or whatever all the time, especially the last year.  At first, it used to hurt me, now I understand she is dealing with feelings that are hard to confront.  I validate what I can, but that's part of their lack of impulse control.  The problem is, they can't ever shake the past until they deal with it.  it will always follow them.  

Thanks  .

so true . 

I guess we are only human too. ... .

My wife has mentioned that there are things she wishes she could talk to me about. Actually wants to talk to me about .things from her past but she is too frightened to tell me for fear of my reaction to it.

This only comes up in the aftermath of an ugly dysregulation.

I don't know if it's a story to keep me from leaving or if it's genuine... .I may never know... .and I don't press the issue with her .

I know you are right ML because after some time apart today she asked me to go out to dinner.

Like nothing ever happened... .like it was a totally normal day... .(been there before)

I declined said I wasn't hungry   she went without me-took her mother.

Not another thought and no mention of anything .