BPDFamily.com

Not exactly sure how i feel, i guess im more or less confused as to how to interpret my feelings. Im worried about my partner, im scared sometimes, i love her, i dont know what to expect from her and that makes me nervous.

Im not even sure how to handle the blowups she has. I dont understand how she is capable of doing the things she has done in the past and each time we've had our "situations" she always promises it'll never happen again but it always does. I dont know if i can believe in her.

Welcome to the bpdfamily.com!

We can be more helpful if you give more background and info.

Has your SO been diagnosed with BPD or is this your impression?

Tell us more about your relationship. How long have you been together? What stage of life? Children?

Maybe describe a recent event that left you with questions or doubts.

Hi JPoff,

I'd like to join Inquisitive1 in welcoming you here!

I'd also be interested in hearing more details. What, specifically are sometimes scared of?

Turkish

Sorry for being so vague with regards to my post. Here's a little background info:

Myself and my wife have been married for a little over a year now. I have known her and we dated on and off since about 2008.

In 2010, we had a very explosive fight. The result of that fight? She was placed in jail and eventually removed from the country. I didnt have anything after that fight because it was mostly destroyed. Also i had to take time off from work to heal physically and mentally.

We were able to reconcile a year or so later. But it was always off and on.

Last year we had decided to marry, since we had been able to work through most of our issues in our past.

Over the last year, we have had about five fights that would eventually become physical. After each fight, we would talk and try to come to an understanding about what happened and why.

I noticed that each time things got physical, it was getting worse and worse with each one. I quit my job because i refused to go into work looking like i had just gotten into a bar fight. I'll probably get tattooes to cover some my scars. However, after the third fight, i told her she needed to get help and if she didnt i was going to leave. She eventually did seek out therapy and was diagnosed with BPD.

The fights have still occurred, but its only gotten really bad twice since then, but, like everyone in a relationship, we argue. Our arguments have been reduced to her screaming at me while i try to sit there and not provoke the situation.

I feel like i am depressed, although i havent sought a diagnosis or a treatment for it. I blame her for how i feel... .Even though i know, its out of her control. Its hard to say.

I feel stuck, like if i stay i'm getting a glimpse of my future. If i leave, or tell her i'm leaving, had bad will the fight be? Will i survive? I dont know... .

I dont know a lot of things, i feel conflicted.

The therapy my wife has taken on, consists of counseling, medication and exercise (yoga). Its only been about 3-4 weeks since she has started. Even though its still early in her treatment, there have been subtle differences in her behavior. We havent had any physical abuse so far, so thats definitely a positive.

Im still trying to process all the info regarding her situation. And im having a hard reconciling my emotions regarding her, myself and our relationship.

I understand the abuse as I have been through it myself... .not nearly as bad as you! You are correct at seeing that it gets worse each time. If I were you, I would be afraid for my life! Since you kept taking her back each time, she has lost respect for you and feels you accept the behavior. It's not your fault, you are probably being "love-bombed" a little each time you take her back, then she goes back to the same behavior. Learn to love your self. You are not helping either one of you by being in this. I will tell you that when I separated instead of getting help like I hoped he would, he just ran off to be with someone else. A friend of mine thinks that he wanted out, pushed my limits, but I never left! He kept it up until I could take no more. That may be what's going on here. Please be careful with your life. It can be better if you choose for it to be. You cannot make someone else change. Only change yourself. Mine was seeing other people as well, so I think that was part of why he pushed me away. They can possibly have someone else who is making them feel better about themselves than you are, because it's "new" and they like the whole fantasy of a new r/s. I am not saying she is for sure, but consider it and be fully aware. I chose to deny what was going on, it's not the best approach. Good luck to you and be safe!

This is a good place to be.  Keep coming.  And understand you are worthy of help.