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Title: And the in-law Post by: HopinAndPrayin on September 13, 2015, 07:12:13 PM My uBPDH is scheduled for a neurological exam and psychiatric evaluation for BPD this month. I'm exhausted after 4 years of first dealing with substance abuse, then ruling out other issues (ADHD, anxiety, etc., etc.)
In trying to figure what the issue was, I've reached out to my FIL. When I explained what was happening, I asked for his support in letting my DH hit rock bottom - this was back during the SA days when T and I thought that was the best option. It may have included divorce if he wouldn't get help and get healthy. FIL decided to bail DH out, giving him money, offering places to stay. It was a small but critical telling of who should be included. When DH later had a major dysregulation episode, I tried again to reach out to FIL, however I was told by FIL that I was a psychopathic liar and he would not talk to me. FIL spent the first 2 years of our marriage telling DH that he should divorce me. There's significant evidence that FIL is a narcissist. There have been many other incidences, but I won't catalogue them here. We have reached the point where we're getting legal papers (Psychiatric Advance Directives and medical POAs) ready for RTC for DH after 10 therapists, 2 stints in IOP (1 for SA, 1 for DBT) and continued dysregulation where a hold would be needed. Hopefully being evaluated for BPD and getting the Dx will mean finding a DBT psychologist in town who has a useful treatment plan, but for now we're putting protections in place for us both. FIL found out from DH that we were looking at RTC and now wants to come out to visit because he thinks I find him (FIL) to not "be a good man and [he] want to correct that perception". I believe this is reaction to his having reached out to me when DH left a message on FIL's phone that he was being put on a hold. I did not respond because the hold didn't happen (papers weren't in place) and I do not feel like FIL has DH's best interest in mind. Beyond that, I have since found out, FIL's first move was to contact an attorney to see what could be done to get DH out of the hold. It feels to me like FIL finally wants to establish a relationship only to get information should DH be put in RTC. I am completely burned out at this point dealing with DH's uBPD alone, but I don't want to involve my FIL if he's going to further complicate matters. My ask is simple - if you have in-laws who have not been supportive/sabotaging, have you involved them in your SO's care? How has it gone? Title: Re: And the in-law Post by: 123Phoebe on September 16, 2015, 05:21:25 AM Hi HopinAndPrayin Welcome to bpdfamily.
My ask is simple - if you have in-laws who have not been supportive/sabotaging, have you involved them in your SO's care? How has it gone? While I don't have personal experience to the specific question you are asking, I can appreciate how frustrating it must be for you and it sounds like your father-in-law's "help" hasn't helped much up to this point On the other hand, I would imagine your husband could use the support of his family and if it's he who is involving his father, I'm not sure it's a battle worth fighting; blood is pretty thick. Would it be possible for you to not offer up information to FIL and leave it to your husband to include him in the way he chooses? I am completely burned out at this point Understandably so What does it mean to take care of yourself? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.0) Be especially good to yourself, HopinAndPrayin |