Print Page - Help How do I stop the cycle?

Title: Help How do I stop the cycle?
Post by: Teachergirl on September 17, 2015, 01:45:21 AM

This is my first time here. My significant other has PTSD and BPD. We're in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. Usually, I am very reactive to this behavior. However, last night I went silent in the conversation. Every time he does it, afterwards he says its for my "entertainment". How can I stop this cycle she set boundaries? Help!

Title: Re: Help How do I stop the cycle?
Post by: Ceruleanblue on September 17, 2015, 12:53:04 PM

I hope you get some good answers to this, as it might help me too. I get divorce threats. I've started to just say "fine, you can have the divorce", and at first he didn't know what to think, but he's back to the threats. I'd like to stay married, and I don't know how to set a boundary around this either.

Did you get better results by not being as reactive?

Title: Re: Help How do I stop the cycle?
Post by: an0ught on September 27, 2015, 10:02:09 AM

Hi Teachergirl,

Quote from: Teachergirl on September 17, 2015, 01:45:21 AM

clearly you don't want to be "entertained". Boundaries the way we define them here work since we acknowledge that the other side may not adhere to them (particularly when we start having them - it gets easier over time) and we need a plan to deal with that. In this case doing an exit / time-out would be a valid strategy:

He: blah

You: I'm not open to "entertainment" right now. You love to point out YYY. Let's focus on xxx (real facts). <this is following the SET scheme - see workshops there. Sometimes it helps getting through>

He: blah

You: I'm not open to "entertainment" right now. Let's continue the discussion in an hour/tomorrow. <leave the room/home - see workshops on boundaries>

*welcome*,

a0

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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: Teachergirl on September 17, 2015, 01:45:21 AM