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Title: Need to break-up, step away Post by: NotACaretaker1 on September 18, 2015, 09:54:22 PM Hi. I am a middle aged woman who has been romantically partnered with a woman whom I believe is showing signs of BPD. Every time I break up with her there is a huge emotional explosion, threats of suicide, promises to be better, a honeymoon period - and then it starts all over again. I am extremely emotionally exhausted and could use some detailed advice. Thank you so much!
The details: Involved for about a year. Long distance. Most communications over internet. She insists we fall asleep and wake up together. When I try to remind her how we both agreed there would be boundaries at the beginning of the relationship, I am told I am hurting her, that I am being abusive (?) and need to stop talking about these things. Who she was at the beginning - whom she portrayed herself to be - is not the person I talk to now. Title: Re: Need to break-up, step away Post by: Turkish on September 22, 2015, 12:32:31 AM Hello NotACaretaker1,
*welcome* The break-ups and make-ups sound exhausting. How often do you physically see each other? People with BPD traits often can't stand being alone. It sounds like she is reacting very badly to your boundaries, which sound reasonable in a LDR. We can help you with some validation skills which can help reduce the emotional dysregulation. The suicdal threats sound concerning. They may be manipulative on the surface (it's likely this is just how she operates), but they seem to be yielding the desired reaction (see here (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) for more). What do you really want out of this relationship? Turkish Title: Re: Need to break-up, step away Post by: unicorn2014 on September 22, 2015, 12:47:57 AM Hi, I'm also in a ldr and my partner also would like to be constantly connected. My partner did attempt suicide twice, I have been called abusive, and when I try to set a boundary my partner sometimes doesn't want to talk about it. I can say it does get better with time if you stand your ground and it's never to late to set boundaries. The more you can read about BPD the better. It also helps to be in therapy. I had to set up rules around going to sleep and waking up and they work.
Title: Re: Need to break-up, step away Post by: babyducks on September 22, 2015, 05:39:48 AM welcome NotaCaretaker1
You have found a good resource that will help support and encourage you. There is a tremendous wealth of information on this site. The best place to start is in the box that runs along the right hand side of the screen, start at the top and work you way down. That will provide a quick overview and helpful links. Dealing with emotional explosions and threats is exhausting. When I first got here I was pretty near at the end of my limits. This site helped me a great deal. How did you find about BPD? 'ducks |