BPDFamily.com

About two weeks ago I finally walked out, after splitting up on many other occasions with my BPD partner of one year (tomorrow actually).  This time, it feels for good, which is my goal, but as common with most break-ups of this sort, I am in constant pain and feel lonely for my partner.  Not lonely because I miss all the thrashing and chaos she put me through, but I miss her face and the good times we shared, eilbite the good times were always short lived.

I know by doing research, almost non-stop since the break-up, that I am clearly co-dependent.  I am practicing the "no contact" method, but as the days pass, I can feel myself getting weaker and the temptation growing stronger.  Her own mother, who I still maintain a friendship with encourages me to remember the "Bad (insert name here), the detached (name), the aggressive (name), the less than forthcoming (name), etc.  I also know she cheated on me and cruised dating websites while we were still a couple.  I caught her on a site as I was departing for a business trip out of the country cruising for someone else, maybe to keep her "occupied," while I was away.  I only found out because a friend of mine who is on that website alerted me to the fact that she was "logged on."  All of this and I still miss her and love her.  I feel like such a loser!  I know of course, I am better than this, but What the heck?

Feels good to write it out to whoever is listening though and maybe someone who understands... .

Good for you - stay strong... .Interesting her mother is encouraging you to leave. My mother in law did the same. I think in my case she was worried he would physically hurt me. It's tough and lonely... .Your so much better off doing it now instead of later. I wish I didn't wait so long.

Visa,

You are totally not a loser!  Kudos to you for doing the research, figuring out what might be wrong, and implementing a plan.  Don't beat yourself up if your NC plan is not perfect.  Nothing in this world is perfect, especially when trying to deal with these complicated relationships.

I just wanted to say, I have strong co-dependent traits also, and it made it extremely hard for me to leave, I felt lonely and guilty all the time, and  I actually haven't even finished leaving yet  (but we're married with a kid, so it's complicated.)  Others have told me what BlueHeron said, that someday I will also wish I didn't wait so long, but I'm not there yet.

I think it is great you're in contact with her mother.  It may also help you to maintain / renew /build new contacts with other friends around you.  I have very few close friends I can talk about BPD with, but even going to coffee to talk shop with a work colleague helps me forget about my pain, and reminds me of my value outside of my marriage.  If you build enough good times without her, you can look back on the good times you had with her without as much pain.

good luck.