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Title: Interesting Contrast Between Households Post by: Turkish on September 22, 2015, 12:12:42 AM S5, D3. Their mom moved out a year ago this past February.
I was talking to her tonight about unrelated issues. D3 wanders out. I let her mom say goodnight to her. I told their mom that she went from their room, D3 wanting to go to mine (still struggling with the co-sleeping, but it's getting better as far as our daughter is concerned). I told her that she wasn't a baby anymore and that little girls need to sleep in their own beds. I still expect her to wander in at 3am, but it's progress. My ex said that it was strange, that they cry if she leaves the room,.and every night she has to lay there with them until they fall asleep. Are they manipulating her? Does this indicate an insecure attachment? Lack of boundaries on her part? I could tell that it frustrates her a bit. Title: Re: Interesting Contrast Between Households Post by: Sunfl0wer on September 22, 2015, 06:35:26 AM Are you saying both kids go to sleep on their own at your place? (Except the D3 3am wander) However at her place, they appear to not self soothe to sleep and insist mom participate in this process?
And mom is frustrated that they appear more independent/capable with you? I have to say... . If I am understanding accurately, this sounds like wonderful news to me! I find it wonderful if your ex indeed is jealous of the kids being more independent and self sufficient in your care. The BPD other in my life would have just twisted this and used it as proof that the child loves her more. I think it is both wonderful that mom can see that independence in the kids is a virtue, also that she can accurately call the behavior something positive even tho it is happening in your care, then also... .she seems to compete and want the same result in her home? A result that benefits both kids? I wonder what makes her see it this way, as it sounds helpful to continue. I wonder if the way you presented the info to her contributed? In answer to your concern... . I think bedtime routines are typically tricky even for "typical" parents. (Hard on both child and parent to let go) It is good to know the kids are capable of self soothing to sleep at bedtime... .even if it is situational to your home... .still a good indicator. Especially tricky if they are used to co sleeping. Especially tricky when parents are no longer together and routines are no longer routine. All I hear is great stuff here Turkish! |iiii |