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I feel like I made some progress on myself tonight. But I think it was more because his comments were so bizarre more than anything else.

Have you seen "My Neighbor, Totoro"?  I hadn't until tonight, but it's considered a classic in Japanese animation.  Anyway, Costco has a whole lineup of Ghibli being distributed under Disney (did not have Spirited Away though) and I picked it up the other day. I managed to get my husband (who is probably uBPD) to watch it with me tonight. What could happen over a universally-considered charming film?

The basic plot follows two sisters who move to a new house, and they end up befriending the God or guardian of the local forest, who they name "Totoro" after the troll in one of their picture books.  About halfway through the film my husband starts commenting on how depressing the film is, and how scary the fantastical creatures are.  "This is so depressing!"  "They let children watch this?" "Is the demon going to abduct the girls?"

Usually, when he says stuff like this about a movie I'm enjoying, I take it very personally, as if he is trying to push my buttons intentionally.  Maybe sometimes he is, I don't know.  Usually this results in a fight where I am offended and he is confused.  Anyway, his perception seemed so counter to the filmmaker's intent that I was able to detatch and truly see how he views the film, and by extension (because of the nature of the film's content), the world. Clearly, the world is a scary place to him!

Even when I pointed out something based in "fact" ("I don't think Totoro is abducting the girls because they are going willingly with him", he would accept my interpretation but insist on the malevolent intent of the characters, particularly of Totoro and of the Cat Bus. I didn't argue with him, just let him have his opinion and even asked him questions about why he interpreted things the way he did (because honestly, I wanted to know where this perspective was coming from!)

I offered several times that if he wasn't enjoying the film we could turn it off and watch something else, but I guess he found the film interesting enough to want to know how it ended.

This was the first time I've observed the "feeling creates fact" thing described here, and it was the first time we watched a movie I picked, that he didn't enjoy, where I was able to detatch and let him have his opinion without letting it affect my enjoyment of the film.  I was just happy we were watching a film that I picked, to be honest. I had been wanting to see this film for years!

On an intellectual level I understand that everyone's perception of the world is different, but it was just so strange to see us watch the same film, with a very clear interpretation (there is actually no true antagonist in the story), and watch him come away with the perception that he did. It was so weird I couldn't get offended, and then I realized that he really does see the world like that and he doesn't realize that I see the world fundamentally differently from him. 

I've heard it said that pwBPD re-live their original core wound/pain over and over again.   that's what they 'see' in the world.   my partner also views the world as a very scary place.  well of course it is because it continually hurts her over and over again.

I'm glad you enjoyed the movie.

Thanks babyducks!

It was just so strange to me because I never observed it before.  He used to say that he was the more positive of the two of us, and that I was the more negative/neurotic, but I have to think now it was just a cover or projection on his part.